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BLAM April 2006

A word in your ear...

Hey ... it was the Sheriff all the time....!

Those of you waiting for news on the impending court case - well, like us, you will have to keep on waiting…….no court date set as yet. As soon as we get news we will let you know.

This month in Blam we regretfully announce the impending end of the world as revealed in that bit at the end of the bible. That's right. We couldn't find anything even vaguely amusing on the BBC website that we could turn into a vaguely amusing article besmirching the reputation of various local non-entities who own guitars like what you get in Private Eye, leading us to the inevitable conclusion that the end is nigh and it's all over bar the shouting. A seemingly never ending search of the internet revealed only more depressing news about death, famine, plague, pestilence and a new series featuring Alistair MacGowan as a "comedy" detective - the five horsemen of the apocalypse, I think we can all agree. The world spinning gently down the plug hole of existence towards the u-bend of destruction has led many of us here to feel that we should bare our souls (say it carefully) and finally reveal the truth behind some of the great mysteries that for various state security reasons have had to be kept secret from the Forum patrons for many years. Firstly, it is unfortunately not true that Jason lives upstairs in a luxury penthouse suite only accessible by a hidden staircase backstage. That's where Max lives. Secondly, the booking policy at The Forum is not influenced, as many of you have come to believe, by a dedication to an alternative view of the universe, a desire to promote new and unknown talent to a discerning audience of like minded individualistic thinkers. It's done on the back of an envelope from HM Customs and Excise in whichever bar Mark is resting his haunches at the time on the basis of whoever managed to get hold of him and tell him a load of lies about who is in the NME this week. Thirdly, and perhaps saddest of all, the rumour that we water down the beer is unfortunately not only untrue, it would also require a level of beer management expertise plainly beyond the competence levels of the monkeys who work here. What else? The Forum is actually a mafia related front for local mobster JB, and is part of his massive empire of music and entertainment related industries which also includes High Brooms Working Men's Club and that bit of park with no name in Southborough behind the Tesco Metro. Every penny you spend at the venue is put towards keeping his hairstyle as near to Simon Le Bon's as possible. Nobody has actually ever called Dave "Marvey Jarvey", that's just a joke on his real nickname which is Ravey Davey. Liam's not actually Irish in spite of his surname being O'Bresnhanmcbegoraholearymcgoogalloconnoly. His parents are from Lithuania and changed their name from Fut to something that they thought was more British sounding. Randall doesn't wear a Victorian frock coat - it's actually Edwardian - and he isn't interested in sado masochism - or at least not to any degree that is unusual in somebody of his height. Ian Carvell doesn't stalk the town at night jumping out of the shadows and demanding to see people's ID. (Ed's note - can you check this one?). And Wolff's real name isn't Wolff. It's actually Foxy. We call him Wolf in a very in-joke obscure reference to 1970's sitcom Citizen Smith.

Next month: More incredibly in-jokes about people you only vaguely know in a cynical attempt to fill space and to make us seem more human.

Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via

The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU

But nine times out of ten I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood. We have been asked to point out once again to the very many of you who are too stupid to tie your own shoelaces that not everything in Blam is to be taken as literally true. Things such as the dates page, the articles telling you a band are good, Paul Mill's review page etc, are plainly works of fiction, as most of the bands will suddenly decide to stay at home as they are terrified of Bird Flu. The editorial page though, that's all actual facts.
Apology for the apology: We have been asked to point out that the above apology may also be not true, and that any injury you sustain as a result of reading it is your own fault. Particularly if you are a half-wit from Medway.

Saturday 1st

Breed 77 occupy a unique place in the musical spectrum and nowhere is this more appreciated than in North and South America, home of the biggest Hispanic population in the world, where Breed 77 aim to tackle next in their quest for world domination. British citizens by law, hybrid souls by nature, Breed 77 are THE most fantastic musical mongrel Breed 77's unique mix of musical influences and styles, spanning melodic hard rock to Spanish / flamenco oriented guitar and Moroccan / Northern African rhythms, has already won over tens of thousands of die-hard fans in the UK. This unique melding results from Breed 77 hailing from the tiny colonial outpost of Gibraltar, on the southern tip of Spain, a mere stone's throw (less than ten miles) from Morocco.
Paul Isola (Vocals), Danny Felice (Guitar), Stuart Cavilla (Bass) and Pete Chichone (Drums) grew up on that two and a half square mile piece of scorched rock, populated by 30,000 UK citizens, 500 UK Service personnel and a colony of monkeys.
Influenced by the likes of Led Zeppelin, Iron Maiden and Pink Floyd on the one hand, and major Spanish bands like Triana on the other: hooking up with Barcelona flamenco guitarist Pedro Caparros, Breed 77 began creating a sound so cultivated and diverse it is incomparable to anything in the world of rock. Much like System Of A Down plundered their Armenian heritage, Breed 77 plundered Gibraltar's rich past, fusing North African pentatonic scaling and flamenco into their crazed rock world.

Comedy Forum

Thursday 6th

Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.


For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.

"An entertaining and skilful comedian!" (Time Out)
"Cracking Act!" Dr Fox (Capital Radio)
"Really funny" (Ricky Gervais)

Television warm-up man: Adam has covered the spectrum while heating up studio audiences, from coffin dodgers on 'Open House' with Gloria Hunniford, to the outlandish lager louts on Channel 5's 'Night Fever'.
No stranger to being on the other side of the camera himself, he has appeared on The Dream Team (Sky One), Casualty (BBC 1), Live At Jongleurs (Paramount), The Bill (ITV), and Lovejoy (BBC 1) to name but a few

Papa CJ has worked in the best comedy clubs in the country, tamed the intimidating audiences of the King Gong Show at the Comedy Store in London and successfully closed a rowdy, full-house Late 'n' Live on the final weekend of the Edinburgh Fringe. Rumoured to be a direct descendent of the Maharaja of Merebaapkaraj (pronounced Mere-baap-ka-raj) in India. The young prince has scaled an 18,000 ft peak in the Himalayas, trekked into the Grand Canyon, flown paragliders and jumped out of an airplane. The qualities that come with these turfs are reflected in his performance and one reviewer had described him as "possessing the energy and attitude of an Indian Chris Rock".

"He's alright, but I was told the raffle was free." (J. Morris, Spokesperson for Arriva Bus Ltd)
"Very good. He's definitely very good." (Mrs Talbot)

Mark Talbot is a cock. He is 22 and been performing for three years. Originally in a double act, "Mark and Ben, he left when Ben tried it on (what, the set of antlers? - Ed). Unless you've seen him you won't, know about him, but those who have seen him will say "Yes, I have seen him."
He's gigged all over England and London, both as a stand. In 2001 "Mark and Ben" reached the semi finals of BBC Talent Awards.

Saturday 8th

Consisting of: Max Pepe - vocals/bongos/oc casional guitar * Wayne Brummer - lead/rhythm guitar * mikey hurst - bass * and Tim Pears - drums , INTRAVERSE are no strangers to the Forum blah blah blah blah.
According to their www.myspace.com/intraverse " ...Intraverse comprise of four young, highly talented musicians who bring together in their music a unique blend of raw rock driven by funky grooves and an abundance of passion, energy and charisma. The result is some truely great tunes and one of the liveliest performances you're ever likely to see. Formed in 2000, Intraverse are going places, they've wowed audiences across the South of England (not to mention the odd trip to liverpool and newcastle), they've played in most of the venues worth playing and have even supported The Buzzcocks during their most recent UK Tour. Don't miss the chance to see this band (no matter what your musical taste) you won't be disappointed!
They cite their influences as, " ...Not so many as a group but individually we have loads like Tower of Power, Steve Vai, Dream Theatre, Metallica, Bloc Party, Level42, Jamiroquai, The Rapture, RHCP, Incubus, Stevie Wonder, Jaco Pastorius and many more...."

Chris TT
Moses . Ian Knapp . The yes/no/maybes
Thur 13th

Chris T-T is not a man to keep his opinions to himself. And when he voices them, it most often results in someone being offended, outraged or otherwise aghast. His carefully crafted songs about suicide bombers, serial killers, sellotape and sex often get members of his audience riled, and though there have been a few frightening threats, he's never yet been punched.
As The Guardian says, "The genius of Chris T-T's songwriting is his ability to humanise even the most outlandish conceits. They seem instead like brilliant ideas that no-one else could've come up with."
T-T's gift is to tackle life's grand themes, such as war, money, love, sex, and death, and transform them into highly personal, and highly emotional, songs. "I'm an overweight, middle class, white, comfortable, English songwriter," he says. "I've never felt any of these things through personal experience. I've never been bombed, I've never had an Israeli tank driven over me. The only way one can do it is to get into the mindset of individuals."
For a songwriter of such remarkable insight, his upbringing was unremarkably average. He listened to songs like The Floral Dance and Up Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon on his grandmother's record player. His parents paid for piano lessons and nagged him to practice. He went to a good school, in a good neighbourhood with other good kids.

"The joy of Flaming Lips and the humanity of Ray Davies. A heartening, hopeful, sad record." - TIME OUT

"A national gem of a songwriter." - THE INDEPENDENT

"T-T has a knack for making the mundane seem joyous. A combination of Badly Drawn Boy's ramshackle charm and the observational wit of Jarvis Cocker." - Q

MC Lars
Fleeing from Finales + Pictures of Shanghai
Friday 14th

Like a GoldieLookinChain for punk hipsters, MC Lars is a Brooklyn based lap-top whizzkid whose hilarious rhymes skewer MySpace culture while referencing punk maverick/nutter GG (oops, I've just shat myself) Allinand ye olde Geoffrey Chaucer.. His steals are as cheeky as hey are ingenious. On his latest album, 'The Graduate', Iggy Pop's The Passenger, Supergrass's 'Moving' are all comfortable bedfellows. MC Lars shares Eminem's gift for pairing the ppuerile with the intelligent: the sublime with the Gawdblimey, as my ol' Mum used to say.

MC Lars is a member of what he dubs the "iGeneration," a group born and raised in the time of the Ninja Turtles, cassette tapes and new wave music, who now live in the age of Desperate Housewives, Sidekicks and screamo bands. These are the kids who have grown up using the Internet as a part of their every day life. They can conveniently carry 5,000 songs in their pocket, but are faced with the glooming fact that the world's oil supply and Social Security will both run out in their lifetime. MC Lars is the hero of this new generation, addressing their thoughts and every day struggles in his music.

Lars has spent the past two years building this group of fans, performing around the world with nothing but his laptop and lyrics. His indie EP has sold over 10,000 copies to a dedicated group of misfits, allowing him to pulse the mainstream through unexpected outlets like Rolling Stone and MTV News. All of this has led him to the decision to steer his own ship and to release the album on his own label (Horris Records) rather than fall into the major label glut. He sees little need for the traditional label trappings and would rather storm his own trail through the Internet, even encouraging file-sharing as a means of promoting his music. "I think I've shown that you don't need to have mainstream exposure to get a dedicated fan base, especially when you have things like MySpace and LimeWire as creative ways of marketing yourself," he says
Is he the the laptop Arctic Monkey?
See for yourself, and wear a seatbelt.

Stable 5 members, FLEEING FROM FINALES are an exciting, deep and danceable pop / rock / emo from the not-so-sunny southern coast of England signed to For Winners Records. Powerful, energetic vocals combined with catchy, stand-out keyboards in the vein of your favourite 90's college rock provide FFF with a sound more contagious than ........ something embarrassingly itchy and treatable with erythmacin.
Here's what their parents, I mean the critics say about them:
'...they manage to find their feet and produce a pop-punk inspired foot tapping tune to be proud of.'
'Overall it’s a well produced and great start for the band. Ones to watch in 2006 I think.'
James Davison - www.dieshellsuit.co.uk
'...it's a mix of Fall Out Boy, Something Corporate and Mae and they do it better than practically any other UK band'...but it's 'An Emotional Summer Of Cricket' which hits several spots. I'd sign this band on this song alone. It's perfect. Nothing is ever handed to you on a plate, but I really do think FFF can go places if they work their arses off. How much do you want it boys? Because if you want it enough, you can get it...'
Paul Savage - www.punktastic.com

unlabel nights: Wednesday 19th & Saturday 22nd

You know what to expect whenever there's an UNLABEL night.....a feast of left-field, avant garde, experimental sonic wonder.
This month sees two special nights featuring Wed 19th - SJ, PRURIENT, HEADQUARTERS & COLLIDES IN ARC.
Plus another FORUM-X late opening featuring Matra

SONAR NATION: creates a space that is both beautiful and awkward. As though absorbing the cacophony that is all around us though not perceivable until one pauses and listens. The new (soon to be released) 6 track mini l.p. is a revealing display of unbridled emotion, heaving and breaking with the force of storm driven waves. And yet also exposing the tenderness of a man pleading for salvation and grace with the humility of a spiritual awakening
PRURIENT - Like a dense fog drifting over your village, Prurient has come to fuck you up. Dominick Fernow is PRURIENT. He attacks large amplifiers, shirtless, with two microphones swirling into the invisible electro-magentic fields around the amps and makes tubes burst, capacitors swell, and fuses burn: like a bullet lodged deep in your consciousness . . . too dangerous to remove. The sound is dynamic, not a blurring fuzz, but a symphony of sickness so grand the gods themselves have taken note

Check out www.myspace.com/unlabel

The Boxer Rebellion
Thursday 20th

Sounding like Coldplay if that Chris Martin wasn't such a damp-mattressed, do-gooding, Hollywood A-lister marrying tosser! Combining the bombast of early Oasis, the shimmering guitars of Six by Seven and Swervedriver and an American predilection for noise, the Boxer Rebellion live up to their name by being punchy (forgive the pun) and peeling away from the fey sound of theUks Fotherington-Thomas's (Coldplay, Travis, Belle and Sebastian, Embrace). Lead singer, Nathan Nicholson is dark, good-looking, a potential rock myth in the making. They play anthemic, epic rock with a hint of a darker side. There’s distorted bass lines that rumble like a Joy Division track creeping up behind you on a dark, lonely night, the occasional broken beats and tempo changes and much soaring vocal lines and mournful melodies. At their best, like the rippling and urgent ‘Watermelon’, they sound like Interpol. A band on the up - even enthused about by our curmudgeonly Moanin' Millsey. Whether this is a kiss of Death only time will tell ........

Jason & the Astronauts
Saturday 29th

¡Forward, Russia! was conceived in early 2004 and came to life in the spring. They recorded a few demo's in their first 9 months which people seemed to really like, and said the following:
"From the off, the four members of !Forward, Russia! rip against each other; fractured and percussive guitar stabs are cradled by the most pounding rhythm section imaginable. It's liquid dance in punk masquerade. They are the spiked ball on the end of a giant mace, but sharpened sharper than razors. The singer spazzes out relentlessly, hypnotically, voice never waning as he wails and hollers. A mega-quick banshee, a perfect frontman. My sobriety is irrelevant, I'm fucked on music and stomping my feet... more" - Drowned In Sound

"Convulsing punk-funk brilliance from Leeds" - NME

"Leeds' ¡Forward Russia! meld floor-filling disco punk funk party music, epic post-rock and larynx scorching yelps to devestating effect, then designate their tracks a number by the order in which they were recorded" - www.joyzine.co.uk
"... dance-spiked riffs and breezy tunes bring to mind XTC if they'd done less acid and more speed. One track is even in 5/4 time which has got to be the ultimate spiky beat - aided by the drummer shouting 1 to 5 into a mic as she beats her kit into oblivion... more" - Manchester Music
" Prog dance post-punk is quite a mix of genres, but you could never accuse ¡Forward Russia! of failing to live up to their billing. A mix of jagged edges, screaming and melody, they're certainly adding weight to the musical revolution coming out of the North at the moment" - This Is Fake DIY
"Equal parts At The Drive-In's restless writhing, vintage Sonic Youth's white noise grind and new wave dico riff fireworks, it is tight, gripping and nothing short of a breathtaking triumph" - Yorkshire Evening Post

Says it all really don't it? This is going to be a great night for all, and, I imagine, sold out by the time you finish reading th...................

The Stable

You know, sometimes I feel that the Stable is a bit like Christmas. Not as in a 'ending up snogging and singing a karaoke version of 'The Wonder of You' with Whiffy Wendy at the firm's Xmas knees-up at Paul Chan's Graceland, or even opening that CD shaped present from yer Nan to find it's 'Will 'Shaven Chimp' Young's Greatest Hits kind of way!
Oh no - it's more of a what feels like a lifetimes worth of contacting bands (or in some cases their Mum's) to co-ordinate their availabilities, trawling badly written websites to find something interesting to write about them when bands have cobbled half-arsed biographies , listening to submitted CDs to decide whether the bands are in fact good enough to leave their bedrooms to perform in opublic (thankfully a 90% success rate folks!). Then, what seems only a mere couple of weeks after the first Stable show, we're nearly onto not only Round Two of The fans' Choice shows, but about to commence Round 2 of The Man's Choice, then it's the Finals, and its all over for another year.
Every one's left home and no one's called me 'Mother'! - or even Lanky Tosser!
Hey Ho - that's Life as Esther Rantzen and Frank Sinatra used to say.
This month we have the last two Stable shows of The Fans Choice - Round 2. The Man's Choice Round 2 (The Industry vote) will commence on Monday 8th May due to the industry panel still being in rehab following the beano at South By South West, and the inability to put pen to score cards somehow eluding them.

Mon 3rd

Featuring: Paul 'RZSpK' - Guitar/ bck vocals, Mark B - Bass, 'The Man' Juan - Guitar and
Lester - Drums, HELLBOUND FURY take on a mixture of Machine Head, Pantera, lamb Of God style Thrash form an Aggressive-Thrash-Metal racket with hardcore groove and ripping solos. Screams and whispers, shredding solos and explosive beats fuelled by a mixture of aggression, passion and hate for the local scene (Eh, you mean us? - all the other Stable bands) , this band is about playing music, trendkills and parties.
. (Which reminds me - my Auntie Mabel has her Silver Anniversary of having her hip replaced ....are you free fellahs? - The Fop)
KOBRAKAI Have been described in Metal Hammer thus: '..a West Kent based USA sounding emo-core outfit, featuring a vocalist that gives alot of the music a nice doomladen feel. The guitar is crisp and distorted, and most of the riffs are fucking brilliant. Forward thinking emotional-hardcore- Lostprophetesque inspired heavy rock with a strong metal edge. 7/10'. Following comings and goings vocalist-wise, the 'Kai are now firing on all four cylinders once more!
ZOE FROM LONDON, according to her 'business' card that our Liam's Mum found inthe pocket of his school blazer, is a double jointed, proficient 'French Polisher' and numbers recent appearances as an expert on Napoleonic campaign furniture on Antiques Roadshow. And blow me sideways (no, not you Zoe) if it's also the name of a five piece band of guitar manglers consisting of: Craig & Glenn Burton, James Holdstock, Bon, and Flossy.

Mon 10th

OFFLIMIT cite their influences as being " ..the experimental side of Led Zeppelin, vocal representation of Muse that co-insides with Nirvana, lyrical content of The Cure, the catchy riffs of Radiohead mixing with and the whole lot mixed up to make one phat filled live sound! ..." Having heard them, they remind me of what Matt Bellamy's kid brother's band would sound like. Check 'em out - they're a bit brill, and only twelve years old!!!!!!
DE CARABAS are more than just a funksome groove machine, more of a Tequila sodden party on legs. Great showmanship - great songs. Just ask Funky Dan to show you his freakishly, unfeasibly large funkin' thumb next time you see him at the urinals!

Mr. Mills' Monthly Moan

Veldt - Sat 4th March 06

I spoke to a local folk-pop musician recently about this scene we have here (I won't reveal the fatuous twat's name except that it rhymes with 'man poos') and surprised myself with my defensiveness. I happily admit it's imperfections, but his grumble was that The Forum has never produced any bands that made a truly significant impact, and I hate to admit that he's right to a degree because although Tunny Wells will always have The League's legacy, none have really 'made it'. I took umbrage, because although we haven't won Crufts, that doesn't mean that we have no pedigree breeds in our kennel and I will not have this scene dissed by some overblown fucking hippy who's never heard or seen Joeyfat.
Sure, if you want to talk decent bands with true potential, then quality hopefuls like JATA and Cyrano (to name but two) can whet your appetite, but it's our very lack of elitism, snobbery or other superiority complexes that makes this scene so interesting. We've a curious talent for spotting, encouraging and welcoming the strange and unusual, not only from our own ranks, but from anywhere, and giving it a truly appreciative audience, even if only a small one. It's no accident that Unlabel can thrive here and sell weird sounds from everywhere because we have one of the most open-minded small music scenes in the country, prepared to judge not on image or hype, but by the imagination and worth of the music alone. That's not matey back-scratching either; it's fact, and if you want evidence , then look no further than the 4 misfits on this stage tonight.
Y'see, it's precisely because of us that Stable 3 winners Veldt are in the position they are now. Their native Brighton is packed with bands desperate to be noticed, many of whom tragically drown in the quagmire of trendier-than-thou pomposity that flows through it like a rancid stinking sewer to the sea, and only those with influential friends have a chance of getting on the boat to avoid being washed away to oblivion. In a town where everyone needs to be told what's cool, the likes of Veldt are too dignified to demand attention like a bunch of radical angsty intellectuals or scrawny guttersnipes in the hope that somebody important thinks that they're interesting or cute. Veldt needed people who'd shut up and listen, willing to have their souls and imaginations taken to another level, by something laid back, beautiful and effortlessly cool. At The Forum, Tunbridge Wells, they found them and the two entities embraced.
This might sound like a load of self-congratulatory bollocks, but if there's any band that The Forum can be proud of nurturing, then it's Veldt, and we should be extraordinarily smug at having played a part in that by giving them a platform when nobody else would, because something very special is about to happen with this band. Potentially, Veldt are one of the most important bands around right now, and if you don't believe me, then do a little research and make your own mind up. Check the feedback on radio stations which have them on the playlist. Check their Myspace site which has gained popularity at an extraordinary rate in a very short time, and more importantly, the amount of people worldwide staggered and fascinated by their music. We're not talking "U guyz fukin rock!" from clueless teens either, but articulate adults fallen helplessly in love. Maybe, just maybe, you could be missing out on something.
Veldt are more than a band; they're a feeling. They're the silver shafts of light on a spring morning that poke through the curtains and fall onto the poster from your favourite movie. They're the final fond embrace from a one night stand that you'll never see again. They're the song that never fails to make your tears flow. They're the kiss you long for in your dreams from your most secret unrequited love.

They're the creeping dread that settles in the pit of your stomach as you navigate your way home alone down an unlit street at night. They're the lingering caress of a femme fatale, too beautiful to ignore but too dangerous to give in to. They're the bittersweet agony of regret, retribution and redemption. They're the pangs of jealousy and self pity that haunt you on a lonely Valentine's day. They're all these things and so much more. If the music you hear makes your heart come alive with the invigorating ecstasy of swirling emotions, making you swoop between joy, abandonment and despair, then the chances are, you're listening to them, and thanking your lucky stars that England finally has real composers again.
Perhaps the new renaissance of smooth easy-listening crooners and bratpack cool is to blame, but whatever the reason, Veldt have seldom sounded so necessary, or so right for the moment, as if the world is bored with garage bands and cocaine chic, and in need of some distinguished intelligent company for a change; ill-fitting suits or not. No sooner do the opening chimes of "Sleep" flit creepily around the room, followed by the honeyed powerful tenor of Lloyd Wadey, it's chocolate for the ears and as comforting as it is captivating.
Though the lo-budget video imagery remains, no longer do the Veldt visual effects rely on obscure sci fi and grainy thriller clips. It's a more psychedelic approach, using colours, oily swirls, acidy flashbacks and nightmarish Warhol-esque pop-art; bleak imagery from times and places in the imagination that are unsettling enough on their own, but on drugs would probably scare the shit out of you. Against this backdrop, the silhouetted figure of Lloyd Wadey, complete with new designer face furniture and crumpled suit, croons a lullaby for the most disturbed night's rest you'll ever experience: wailing, mocking, gliding over the melody with a caress like silk against naked skin. It's a voice that once heard, will stay tattooed on your soul, ready to provide you with calming sensual comfort whenever you need it. It's the mesmerising languidity of Scott Walker or Serge Gainsbourg and the stark shrill beauty of Colin Blunstone, combined with a Morrissey-like gloss, and a master crooner's poise. Under that smooth veneer is a lo-fi hybrid of film-noir groove, contemporary indie and electronica that brings to mind Portishead, Tindersticks, Dubstar, Divine Comedy, Roy Budd…hell, every time you hear it, something new seduces you all over again. Oh yes, this is music to watch girls buy, alright.
The decadent sensual cello and infectious harmonies of debut single "Good Morning", the impossibly romantic "Strung Out" and the brooding "Vignette" all bristle with dark evocative moods, but it's the new single "Walking In Silence" that's the real orgasmic delight. A string melody like you won't believe, wrenching your heart out of your throat as it epically builds, layer by layer, with the vocals escalating into the cosmos, letting the melody swirl around your brain and calm your most savage desires, leaving you breathless and drooling with awe.
Veldt are going to put some sophistication back into pop music that hasn't been seen in ages. By buying 'Walking In Silence' and the album next month, you're not only getting great music but supporting the best band that we've ever had a part in, and that's no exaggeration. Hassle your radio stations and record shops. Download it. Tell your friends. Hell, just take pride, open your windows and play the fucker loud because your neighbours might like it for once.
Hippies talk shit. Veldt are your opportunity to prove it.

Our eager, hyperactive, willing to please, forelock-tugging, cap-doffing, can-do, nothing's-too-much trouble, highly trained, elite, ex-SAS and Girl Guides, crack squad of volunteers are waiting like coiled springs, with Sanatogen coursing through their veins, bouncing off the walls for you, and only you !

We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.
You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101

We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on, and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
You can also email us, so do that to:
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets are also available to be purchased from the following retail outlets:
The Longplayer, 3 Grosvenor Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 539273
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776

++++++coming soon++++++

BLACK WIRE - Mon 1st May
COMEDY FORUM - Thu 4th May
JESSE JAMES - Sat 6th May
BREAKS CO-OP - Fri 19th May
FONY - Sat 20th Mayl
BLACKBUD - Fri 26th May

Lifted (with permission) from the April edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them