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BLAM April 2007

A word in your ear...

A huge international furore erupted yesterday when 4 musicians were seized from The Forum stage and taken at gunpoint over the road to the KFC, where they are now being held and tortured by being made to eat Sizzling Tower Burgers until they are sick (about 2, then). Arguments about what they were doing on the stage are at the centre of the row, with the KFC staff claiming that the musicians had strayed into musical waters. This is hotly denied and refuted by Max Vonsydownyourerockingtheboat, spokesman and all round baldy for The Forum. "I not only deny these allegations, I also refute them " he said, in a strange twist to our normal joke about being shocked and stunned which we can't be bothered to run this month. "These four poor misguided souls were simply going about their normal business of littering up the stage and trying to get their guitars into tune, when all of a sudden the doors burst open and several dozen spotty teenagers in ill fitting caps starting screaming and shouting and jumping up and down, not something we normally see at The Forum. The band were then hustled off the stage into the back of a waiting van, driven at break neck speed just across the road, and we haven't seen them since. It's a great pity really, as at the time of the capture Tehillah Commission were actually leading The Stable Fan's Choice leader board and looked odds on to win the competition this year, but now their place will have to be taken by another band …………….hmmm, I wonder who that might be?". Suspicious local punters declared themselves puzzled and perplexed by the mysterious turn of events. "This is a very strange and mysterious turn of events" said one puzzled patron. "Yes, it's perplexing how this could have happened" said another (What, twice in one article and you thought we wouldn't notice? Come on! - Ed). "It just seems somewhat odd that the clear run away favourites for this event should mysteriously be held captive by some unknown masked men answering only to the names Jon and Paul and driving a Furniture van." remarked another.
What another cracking month at The Forum, nice to see former Stable band Mumm Ra back and headlining after their sell out NME tour. Sure this date is probably already sold out, actually, more and more of our dates are selling out in advance at the moment. Great times for the Forum and for the local scene!


Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via

The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU


But frankly, I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood.
In the unlikely event that the current situation in Iran develops into World War 3 and we are all nuked to bits by next Wednesday, we would like to humbly apologise for the tastelessness of the above ironic article, and to take this opportunity to explain once more that it's not our fault, we have borderline Tourettes and personality disorders the size of a blue whale's tackle. Knob, fanny, rim batter etc etc.


Comedy Forum

Thursday 5th

Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.
FOUR TOP CLASS ACTS, THE FIRST THURSDAY IN EVERY MONTH, ONLY FIVE POUNDS, NEW LUXURIOUS TOILET FACILITIES.

For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, ROB DEERING, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.

 

Stunningly silly humour is the calling card of part-Scandinavian comic STEEL WALLIS. Gigging for nigh on two years now, he's managed to accrue a bewilderingly bashful set full of The World According to… type humour with a dash of wide-eyed cheek.
Steel started doing stand-up after being booked for a comedy club without having an act! He was given just two months to write one in or not turn up and fail. He did it - and since then he's managed to accrue a bewilderingly bashful set full of bollocks! Or as Steel would put it, "A bit silly, non-offensive, a little bit childish but in a good way! There're a few bits of observation but nothing major! It's not too taxing - it's not political and not ranty it's just light hearted fun really."
Catch him while you can still say: "Steel? Surely that's his surname?"
LEE HUME was born in Hastings in 1973, apparently a 'Happy Accident'. He spent his formative years in the wilds of Bexhill on Sea, avoiding gangs of marauding pensioners. Finding little or nothing to do, Lee retreated into the world of his imagination.
After breezing his way through his GCSE's, Lee was shocked and stunned to find he had failed them all. Heading to College to retake them, he soon got bored and formed the rubbish indie band that would eventually be called Duplo. This was also a failure, of sorts. It did introduce him to real friends, girls and most importantly - heavy drinking.
Realising he was never going to be a pop star, Lee got a job as a travel agent and soon got bored again and embarked on a full time career travelling. This led ultimately to living in Brighton where he resides to this day. Lee never learned to drive but is trying to master learning to walk accurately. Culinary flops include a recipe for disaster which didn't turn out like the picture in the book.
Headlining the show tonight will be Dubliner JOHNNY CANDON, a stalwart of Robin Ince's Book Club, and fresh from touring with 'Extras' Stephen Merchant.


Koopa
Shibby
Pictures of Shanghai
Friday 6th

KOOPA are "MORE FUN THAN NUDE TWISTER!"... 'KKKK' - Kerrang!
"MORE BRITISH BULLDOG CHARISMA THAN WAYNE ROONEY!" - Panic Magazine!
"KOOPA ARE WELL AND TRULY PREPARING TO ROYALLY F**K S**T UP THIS YEAR" - Glasswerk.co.uk
"UNSIGNED HEROES!" - Ian Lang, Bay Radio, 89.7FM - Malta

KOOPA made UK Chart history in January 2007 by becoming the first ever unsigned band to have a Top 40 hit. The download-only single Blag, Steal and Borrow made it into the charts at # 31.

It all started back in 2000 when 12-year-old Ollie Cooper, who had already been writing and performing songs for a number of years, decided to do something productive with his latest song ideas. His brother and future drummer. Stuart Cooper, suggested that Ollie should present his ideas to Stu's friend (and fellow band-mate), songwriter and producer Joe Murphy. Joe at the time had his own recording studio that he used in-between touring the UK as singer and guitarist in his band, along with Stu.KOOPA have a sound, which is both commercial and anthemic without being too saccharine sweet. Listen to KOOPA and you realise that this is not that watered-down, manufactured sound designed to impress your younger brother, little sister and please your parents.


Sonic Boom Six
Pickled Dick
Saturday 7th

"Notting Hill Carnival on a punk CD", "Ms Dynamite fronting the Clash" and "Dizzee Rascal crossed with the Mighty Mighty Bosstones" are some of the efforts used to describe Sonic Boom Six's genre-busting sounds. SB6 mould themselves in the tradition of UK punk bands such as the Specials, the Clash and King Prawn that push the musical envelope by mixing the contemporary underground sounds of the UK with a rocking live show. Sonic Boom Six's genre-terrorism attacks the urban sounds of ragga, hip-hop, bhangra and jungle, adds a blast of dub and reggae and detonates with a heavy helping of hardcore punk rock.
Over the last three years Sonic Boom Six havereleased three EPs, toured the UK and mainland Europe and shared the stage with such acts as Flogging Molly, Hard-Fi, The Aquabats, Mad Caddies, Suicide Machines, Leftover Crack and RX Bandits as well as recording sessions for BBC radio 1's flagship punk show the Lock-Up, being featured on BBC2's Asian Arts TV programme Desi DNA and opening the Love Music Hate Racism event on the Leftfield stage at the legendary Glastonbury festival. In August 2005 Moon Ska Europe released Sounds To Consume: Champion Edition which contains both Moon Ska EPs, the original self-released demo EP, three new electronica remixes as well as an acoustic tune from the bands Babyboom acoustic side-project.
On July 10th 2006 the long-awaited debut album The Ruff Guide to Genre-Terrorism dropped on Deck Cheese Records. Featuring the live stalwarts Piggy in the Middle and Bigger than Punk Rock as well as current Radio-1 Lock-Up favourite All-In (featuring the toasting of ex-Pilfers frontman Coolie Ranx) and a genre-terrorising heap of new tracks, the album's release was followed by UK and mainland European tours, festival appearances (including the Lock-up stage at Reading and Leeds festival) and another Radio 1 Lock-Up session. Also appearing tonight will be power pop punksters PICKLED DICK, who willingly admit that their name is shite!


GoodBooks
Wednesday 11th

Melody can be a dangerous thing, according to GoodBooks.

But while catchy tunes may never be cool, once pop music is imaginative, it rarely ceases to inspire and affect any listening ears. When GoodBooks try to convey this formula, they tend to repeat Hot Chip's rather simple ethos- "we love the idea of 'pop' music but not the people who make 'pop' music now."

A neatly surmised philosophy is about the only lead GoodBooks have taken from elsewhere though. Part Orange Juice, part The Cure and part Talking Heads, but as blindingly original as they are deviously infectious. Somewhere between Max's subtly affecting vocals, Leo and Chris' vivacious rhythm section and JP's Johnny-Greenwood-in-a-small-room keyboard collection, a sound that is uniquely GoodBooks emerges.

Born the day four teenage GoodBooks waited to audition a new bassist and ended up writing what would become their debut single, the band have always had an inherent sense of self assuredness. Such conviction may explain an instantly impressive live set that belies their lack of experience on record. That experience nevertheless began last March, when Transgressive Records lovingly put their blistering debut Walk With Me on the shelves.
And although Walk With Me is all about loneliness, GoodBooks are perhaps at their best when regaling tales in the third person. Take Leni, the band's latest single, a song inspired by a Franz Kafka novel (What? No Truiumph of the Will references then? - Ed)- or live favourite Passchendaele, a fable of father and son who die in consecutive world wars. All, of course, receive the Midas GoodBooks' pop touch.
There was also the small matter of a deal struck with Columbia Records allowing the band to hibernate into the studio with hot new producer Dan Grech. With the resulting debut album due out in time for the festivals, GoodBooks will soon become that band you feel you've know your whole life.


This Town Needs Guns
Thursday 12th

Stomping around in an emo manner , bringing to mind King Adora or the Foo Fighters. TTNG have solid songs and great melodic twinges - Sweetly blending influences such as Biffy Clyro, American Football, Sunny Day Real Estate, This Town Needs Guns are sneaky. They’ll have you believing they’re a semi-quiet rock band, and then out of nowhere they attack. Each song is a build-up to a full-on rock explosion. Just when you think it’s reached its loudest point they take it a step further. They’ve played support slots for Jetplane Landing and Idiot Pilot amongst others, and on this evidence, that’s all on merit."



Ripchord
YoungPlan
Friday 13th

..and another thing ... whilst we're talking about home-grown talent (Who was? - Ed) I can well recall the day when a van-load of tea-sipping shiny-necked oiks turned up at a Stable night asking where they could plug their sitar in. Ahh ... golden days of innocence, lost youth, walking barefoot over apple-strewn orchards whilst old Father Time shakes his weary head and glances impatiently at his wristwatch .......(Fuck me! I think the Fop's turning into Wogan! - concerned Ed)
There are two intriguingly worrying things that spring to mind when you first come across indie-pop six piece, Mumm-Ra. Firstly, the fact they are named after the main villain from the 1980s cartoon Thundercats instantly makes you wonder exactly what kind of music a band with such a name will conjure up. Secondly there is the potential curse that they seem to have all the attributes and are well on their way to becoming new darlings of the NME, so often more alienating than auspicious. But all of these thoughts are of course before you've heard the music, and once you have you cannot help but think that for once, the hype may not be misplaced.
Hailing from Bexhill On Sea, the sleepy Essex town that doubles up as God's waiting room, on record as officially having the second oldest population in Europe, Mumm-Ra are Noo (vocals), Tate (guitar), Niall (bass, vocals), Oli (guitar, vocals), Gareth (drums) and Tommy B (live keyboards).
"We pride ourselves in not falling into one particular bracket, some people have said our new single sounds a little bit like The Killers but we can't see it," said lead singer Noo.
That single is What would Steve do? which was released on February 19th. The Killers link is recognisable, but the opening synths sound more like some of the great Cure numbers. But to say that the general Mumm-Ra 'sound' is like either of those two would be doing them an injustice. Three minutes of fluffy, catchy and endearing guitar-pop later you want to hear more from this band. As soon as you accept that Mumm-Ra are a pop band with indie appeal and not vice versa, the attraction becomes obvious.


Ghosts
Tiny Dancers
Saturday 14th

I've just had a cracking idea for a new sci-fi drama series on BBC1. It's set in Tunbridge Wells, and what happens is that a local fop about town, whilst going into Cafe Nero to get a caffeine fix before starting to compile articles for a popular local music venue's inhouse magazine , is tragically run over by a skateboard as he's walking across the pedestrian crossing by the Millennium clock. H e wakes to find that he's been inexplicably transported to 1975!
Either that, or the two bands playing tonight have been exposed to their elder brothers' record collections.
There's something in the air at the moment: a movement that's reaching back to the pure, innocent, air-brushed pop of Supertramp, Rubettes, John Miles, Wings, Pilot, and the mighty ELO . What started with The Feeling's whimper last year is fast snowballing into a veritable new MOR Pop explosion.
Now personally, the aforementioned fop about town can in fact recall 1975, and kinda likes it all. In fact, what is there NOT to like? Bouncy melodies, soaring vocals, roaring brass sections… and blow me down, a really annoying, toe-tapping 4/4 beat that even yer Mum will like the feel of.
GHOSTS formed at school just outside London and for over a decade Simon Pettigrew (vocals and guitar), Robbie Smith (bass), Mark Treasure (keys) and Johnny Harris (drums and production) have been creating music together in one form or another. They've refined the sound of their previous incarnations to what we have now. Ghosts have written the year's sing-along anthem 'Stay The Night', which alongside Tiny Dancer's "I will wait for you" appear to be the only two tunes being played on Radio 2 at the moment (ask your uncle).
TINY DANCERS are David Kay (vocals, acoustic guitar), Chris 'Ev' Etherington (lead guitar, keyboards), Dez Wathey (bass guitar), Duncan 'Zed' Morrison (drums) and Glover (keyboards, glockenspiel, percussion, guitar, noise creation). "We're pilfering bastards with no roots!" jokes David, before going on to explain that what excited them was not so much the riffs but the attitude, the passion that they felt in those bands. "I never really wanted to sound like anyone else. I never analysed records and fretted over them. It was more natural: I'd have a vague idea of a sound or a feeling and go for it. We're obviously influenced by certain bands and artists, but it's more about how they looked and what they did, not by any particular sounds or styles."
The name is not taken from the Elton John song, but because it just felt right: playful, unassuming, but intimate too. "We like the song, but it's not a tribute to Elton John or anything. It's just a happy coincidence. Tiny Dancers has got a good, positive feeling."So what will you hear when you hear Tiny Dancers? You'll hear a distinctly English eccentric take on those strong 60s pop melodies with close harmonies, memorable guitar riffs, touches of country rock, of techno-funk raunch, of post-punk innovation.
Live, you'll see a frontman who looks like some unholy mix of David Johansson, Beck and Bowie leading a stylish gang who swap instruments, laugh a lot and banter with each other and the crowd.
Like The Flaming Lips, Tiny Dancers are serious about their music, but intend to have fun playing it live. "We love bands that push themselves, stretch themselves," they say. "We're always thinking of different ideas, things to play with." They laugh, then Ev sums them up in a sentence. "We're quite unpredictable."


The Zico Chain
Emphatic
AmberVision
Saturday 21st

The Zico Chain are named after the connection that all icons possess, from Maradona to Madonna to Monroe to Manson; Jesus to James Dean to Jim Morrison to Josh Homme; Bobby Moore to Bobby Kennedy to Robert Plant to Robert De Niro.
Chris Glithero (vocals/bass) moved south from Manchester cos “every musician there wanted to be Baggy but I wanted to be Lemmy.” He met Paul Frost (guitar) and Ollie Middleton (drums) at college, where they bonded over their dissatisfaction of 21st century British rock, and threw their courses to the wind to pursue raw power. No overcooking allowed, the songs had to impact instantaneously, give you a quick hit, and then jump up and down in your head until they left footprints, like the first time that Ace of Spades / Whole Lotta Love / Welcome to the Jungle / Feelgood Hit of The Summer / Won’t Get Fooled Again / Seven Nation Army burst from your speakers into your consciousness forever. They wanted to write songs that could buzz you up like a boy or a girl, a fuck or a fight, a drink or three, love or revenge. In short, they wanted to write the soundtrack of people’s lives….


AmanaceR
Oriation
AmberVision
Thursday 26th

AmanaceR are armed with an ethos of hard work, chilling melodies and honest lyrics: that's what this four piece from 'Bromley Beat' stand for, a band so hard they need to tour in a Police riot van
Their songs are rife with charming, catchy melodies, that seem to make us all stop and think either, "that's happened, or happening, or going to happen to me".
Without the now assumed obligatory strap-on asinine elements, (common in most new bands nowadays) these lads are off the back of local and national sold out support slots with The Twang, The Paddingtons, Brakes, and with an upcoming show with My Luminaries.
With three accomplished E.P's self released to date, now all sold out, live shows are a must see.
Brimming with confidence, charisma and above all total self belief, their music will inspire you to dance, jump, chant, or sing to their festival bound choruses, and to look out for YOUR indie hip chic in the crowd - because everyone knows one somewhere..


The Stable

The Man's Choice - Round 2

By the time you read this, we'd have reached the end of Round Two of the Fans' Choice, and this is how all the bands fared:

1 Tehillah Commission 190 10 The Iscariots 70
2 Mechanical Sunrise 121 11 Furniture Sound 65
3 The Audacity 115 12 Our MySpace Theory 63
4 Strangeday 107 13 Barrier Dutch 50
5 Violet Vendetta 106 14 Emphatic 52
6 Morning Rescue 97 15 Float the Earth 45
7 Crossfire 87 16 Standing in Lines 42
8 Uncouth Koala 79 17 Moorwater 34
8 Blind Archers 79  

The top six bands bands now go on to appear in THE FANS' CHOICE GRAND FINAL to be held at a date yet to be scheduled.

Meanwhile, the voting from the industry panel, otherwise known as THE MAN'S CHOICE has been returned, with the following bands going through to Round Two of THE MAN'S CHOICE, in alphabetical order:

9 VOLT . AMANACER . AND HIS VOICE BECAME . BARRIER DUTCH . CITY SUNSETS . DAYFALL . FAR AWAY TREE . FLOAT THE EARTH . GLAVION . KARONA . KOBRAKAI . OUR MYSPACE THEORY . . RATHE . THE ADVANCED . THE CRAYONS

See this month's dates page for details

 


Mr. Mills' Monthly Moan

Jack Penate, Late Of the Pier, Adele - 15th March 2007

It’s curious sometimes, this place. Think of all that its walls have seen over the last 14 years and look at your own music collection. How many artists within it have played here? Loads, I’ll wager, plus the latest bunch of sallow-skinned media darlings who performed on a Wednesday night to about a dozen people and whom you weren’t aware of at the time. Hang around for long enough and you’ll see every genre and standard of talent pass through, and yes, some make it, while others don’t. Some are on their way up, some down, and more still will never brave a stage again. Such is the way of things, amen. But occasionally comes that rare delight when you can walk in and watch a talent squeezed into an early slot that might not even be at it’s best, but is nevertheless compelling enough to make you realise that you’re in the presence of something that’ll be sickeningly fashionable before you know what’s going on; so savour the privilege of low level intimacy while you still can before the album is in your auntie’s Sainsburys trolley along with her copy of Cosmo and leg wax, destined for the coffee tables of suburbia. That she’s sent them ga-ga at SXSW and has all the weight of XL Recordings behind her isn’t even a surprise when you’re faced with a songwriting talent like Adele’s, because she has the immeasurably bankable quality of looking like the girl next door and sounding out of this world.
Steeped in jazz, blues and caustic folk pop, there’s nothing original or indeed clever about her music, because there doesn’t need to be. It’s timeless, ageless songwriting, focussed around that powerful evocative instrument in her throat as she swoops with easy confidence from the shrill folk of Carole King to the guttersnipe blues of Nina Simone, toying with Jill Scott along the way, but it’s the wistful dreaminess and naïve lo-fi charm of tunes like the stunning “Daydreamer” that’ll make you turn that Amy Winehouse album into the coffee-cup coaster it deserves to be.
Close your eyes and she’s a crooning sensuous vamp; all smoky, soulful, sexy, seductive and salacious; part lounge-kitten, part soul diva, part sassy blueswoman and every bit the kind of bad-ass piece of moral garbage that lives to break hearts and trample emotions into the dirt. It’s a black voice with a browbeaten and anguished timbre that took Ella Fitzgerald a lifetime of hard-liquor, hard drugs and hard men to achieve; the sound of a brazen careworn strumpet so wanton that when her voice enters your ears your mind leaps into bed and plans activities that could make a French pimp yell for the rozzers. Open them again and that powerful noise is coming from the trembling lips of a chubby-faced white south London teenager strumming an acoustic guitar with no finesse but the playful urgency of an eager child, telling tales of urban innocence and crooning lullabies for the betrayed and broken to sooth themselves to tearful sleep with, before jolting them awake again with a hearty cockney cackle. That a kid of 18 can produce such masterful expressions of depth and passion is remarkable in itself, but what is more so is that she manages to overlap the Deep South of America with the urban cool of Kate Nash or Lily Allen without making it sound a bit like a gag.
Quite simply, fabulous.
I wonder how long it’ll be before they start championing Gary Numan as the ‘Godfather of Nu-Rave’ or some such nonsense. Perhaps it’s happened already, I dunno, it’s difficult to keep up sometimes.
The term means nothing anyway: a media invention to pigeonhole anything that blends guitars with electro pop, no matter how vast the differences, and like ‘Britpop’ and ‘Emo’ before it, it means whatever you want it to mean so debate whether The Klaxons are nu rave or just clever pop all you want, ‘cause it’s all oil for the jaws of the machine. Seeing as Late Of the Pier seem to be the latest hotly-tipped handsome young devils to ride the shirt tails of this nu-raveolution with their spacy powerchords and spiky synths in tow, perhaps Gazza’s due another revival as “Space And The Woods” could almost be a lost Numan classic complete with mesmerising keyboard hooks and lyrics about suicide, so if this is the height of current musical cool, then ol’ Gaz might be missing out on one helluva comeback opportunity.
Thankfully though, that’s where the retro comparisons end as the Nottingham quartet also roll out the surliest most infectiously instant electro fuzz-pop such as “A Heartbeat, A Flicker” which knots your stomach and squeezes your wheezing lungs in a way the likes of The Bravery or The Automatic could only dream of. Aside from tunes to die for, their jitterbug groove coughs and splutters with skitterish complex fanfares of lunacy, such as keysman Jack Paradise taking a break from his extraordinary dance routines to play his synth with drumsticks and improvising a new percussion instrument from broken bed slats, turning their trippy, anxious pop into something tribal and hypnotic without once letting up on danceability.
The only thing missing is a personality a little less subdued and a little more dangerously unpredictable than Earl Dust, because they sound like they should be led by a beautiful misunderstood poet with black rimmed eyes, alabaster skin, a nagging drugs habit and a penchant for bumsex to show their angry volatility off, instead of a rather hesitant looking emo kid in a cap and cheap t-shirt whom your mum would probably consider a ‘nice young man’. Give it time and they’ll all no doubt turn into arseholes, but until then, enjoy them while you can, because in a year or so you’ll be throwing things at the telly when their video comes on.
“I never thought I’d be playing to a moshpit!”, exclaims the genuinely excited Jack Peñate as he gives a quick burst of high speed noise in salute to yet another eager body hauled aloft at the front. Oh yeah, he’s a happy chappy alright, and rightly so, what with being labelled as everything from the saviour of British Rock ‘n’ Soul, to a cockney Steve Earle, to a male Lily Allen to Patrick Swayze in the guise of a dashing pirate, and he wears ‘em all round his neck with the same hipswinging panache and casual ease in which he batters that jangly Telecaster into submission. Sickeningly talented, charming, modest AND good looking, you say? Well wait until your girlfriend plays him to death and you can’t stop yourself singing “Got My Favourite” or carrying the funky sass of “Learning Lines” in your head and you’ll really start to hate him.
The fact is, Peñate at the moment can do no wrong and nobody begrudges him an inch even when he might deserve it, such as nicking the riff to The Housemartins ‘Happy Hour’ for ‘Torn On The Platform’ , which if you’ve seen the video might just explain his dancing. Can you hold any resentment against a pervert poet with Eel Pie Island flavoured cool, capable of leaving your ears as battered and bloody as a lone grunger in a chav boozer, when he appreciates attention as tearfully and heartily as this? Thought not. Just do what I’m doing: throw your critical pen away with those notes comprising of countless exclamation marks and just admit that the lad’s a fucking genius. Nowt else needs to be said.

Our eager, hyperactive, willing to please, forelock-tugging, cap-doffing, can-do, nothing's-too-much trouble, highly trained, elite, ex-SAS and Girl Guides, crack squad of volunteers are waiting like coiled springs, with Sanatogen coursing through their veins, bouncing off the walls for you, and only you !

We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.

You can write to us at:
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101

We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on,
and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
www.twforum.co.uk
You can also email us, so do that to:
twforum@globalnet.co.uk
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets can be purchased from
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776
and are also now available on TICKETWEB www.ticketweb.co.uk


Coming soon...

COMEDY FORUM - Thursday3rd May
BRIAN JACKET LETDOWN - Saturday 5th May
FRANK TURNER - Friday 11th May
DUSTIN'S BAR MITZVAH - Saturday 12th May
Martin Turner's WISHBONE ASH - Thursday 17th May
4ft FINGERS - Saturday 2nd June
THE WOMBATS - Sunday 3rd June

Lifted (with permission) from the April edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them


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