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BLAM June 2006

A word in your ear...

at last ....The Fat Lady Sings!

We are delighted to announce that a settlement has been reached regarding the court case involving The Forum that threatened to end moshing/pogoing/dancing and generally enjoying yourself at this, and possibly other, venues. Unfortunately we can't tell you about the outcome because of confidentiality clauses surrounding the settlement, other than to quote our reaction to the settlement which was to laugh ourselves sick for half an hour and then get thoroughly drunk whilst singing a well known Queen song which does not include the words "Fat Bottomed Girls".
Obviously, it would be total breach of the confidentiality clause for us to reveal details of who won, so if you see any Forum staff grinning like Monkeys, waving banners saying "Saved!! Your Right To Dance", dancing about like Michael Bentine on speed or just generally appearing to be in a very very very good mood then we must re-iterate that these two things are completely unrelated.
Also in other completely unrelated news, we are pleased to announce that we will shortly be staging the first annual "pogo yourself to death as much as you like ha ha ha ha ha you can't fucking stop us!!" event at the club. This event will feature members of the audience doing all the things you would normally do at a gig and wouldn't dream of suing somebody for, as apparently it's perfectly legal to do all those things. Just to re-iterate, we can't tell you the outcome of the case, but you can carry on partying as much as you like. HA HA HA AH AH HAHAHAHAHGAHHAHA [falls over in pool of own dribble mumbling]
Serious bit: Two things. Firstly, it wouldn't be an editorial about this issue without a sloppy gushy bit about how much you all mean to us, so here it is: The reaction of local bands and fans to this case was genuinely fantastic, with people putting up their time and money to support The Forum. We are extremely grateful for all the support we have received, and genuinely touched that you all felt so strongly about your right to enjoy yourselves. Thanks. Secondly, we have learned something from this court case, which is that regardless of the fact that the confidential outcome means that we can carry on exactly as we were before, every single venue in the country is at risk from claims like this and the law needs to be changed to prevent this from happening over and over again, because defending these cases costs a huge amount of money and the law is simply unfair to the venues in this instance. More then the law being changed though, there actually needs to be a change in people's attitudes towards personal injury in which a level of common sense is applied before people just see what they can get. Accident Claims companies will tell you that nobody suffers. That's bollocks. The Forum has had to fork out a huge amount of money to defend this claim and that money could have been spent on things the audience actually wants and needs - some toilet paper occasionally wouldn't go amiss. Without the fundraising by the bands and from you, the audience, we would have probably had to close. So, next time you get approached by some clipboard wielding halfwit outside Tescos offering to get you a million quid for grazing your knee at Reading Festival, tell 'em where they can stick it.


Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via

The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU

But nine times out of ten I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood. I would like to genuinely apologise that in the heat of the moment I may have described the claimant in this matter as an in-bred halfwit with the brains and body odour of a baboon. Under the confidentiality terms, I accept that I should not place in print such accusations in future, and that calling him a wanker of the first order who deserves to have his testicles eaten off by ants, a twat with all the sex appeal of Barbara Cartland, an inhuman mollusc of a non person with the intellect of a cucumber sandwich, all those insults, plus arse bandit, cock muncher, donkey fiddler, anal mucus etc etc etc, all of them are now strictly forbidden. As is jumping up and down laughing and forming your thumb and forefinger into an L sign and chanting a word that rhymes with chooser repeatedly. Glad we have cleared that up.


Comedy Forum
Thursday 1st

Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.

FOUR TOP CLASS ACTS, THE FIRST THURSDAY IN EVERY MONTH, ONLY FIVE POUNDS,
NEW LUXURIOUS TOILET FACILITIES.

For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.

ALEX HORNE
A hugely talented and diverse young comedian, 26 year-old Alex Horne has already established a remarkable reputation among critics, comics and audiences as a gifted gag-smith, prolific writer and one of the most creative solo performers at work today. 2005 saw Alex take his brand new show 'When In Rome' to the Edinburgh Festival, which totally sold out and received rave reviews. The show tours from March 2006.
In August 2003 Alex took his innovative, interactive and hotly-tipped debut show Making Fish Laugh to the Assembly Rooms at the Edinburgh Festival. The show saw Alex and his assistant Tim Key recreating experiments carried out by scientists in 1976 to find out exactly what it is that makes humans laugh. By combining studious research, his own unique brand of twisted logic and some quite complicated puns with psychological theories and inappropriate science he managed to create one of the undisputed hits of the fringe.

"Extremely well-conceived and executed, this makes for a fine hour laughing about laughter" Steve Jelbert - The Independent.

"This delightfully daft lecture elevates him into a new league" Bruce Dessau - Evening Standard
"Being blinded by science has rarely seemed this fun" Nick Awde - The Stage

NATHAN CATON is a young black-british comic, gigging on both the mainstream and black comedy circuit. His set is highly obsevational, influenced by his culture and upbringing, and also coming from a young person's outlook on life, from the well-known Nigerian traffic warden and the always-disciplining West-Indian mother, to MTV's Pimp my Ride.
He has played at many different venues across London and even had the opportunity to perform with Amused Moose at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2005, where he was a hot startlet and appeared in the talent search competition.
"'Caton's a slick performer with an unbeatable stage attitude and the confident air of someone much more experienced his powerhouse performance enlivened with skilful characterisations of the people who occupy his entertainingly observational set..." - Chortle

'I reckon the lad has a great future.' -Tony Cowards


Towers of London
Friday 2nd

What more can you say about Towers of London that hasn't already filled the big bollocks scrapbook of rock and roll cliches? Try arranging these words into a random sentence and you can save yourself twenty minutes on the internet looking them up: Town, Rock, Roses, Us, Shot, Roll, Hair Dye, Guns, Back, Them, Dogs, Punk, Blood, Arm, Die, Dreamers, Tears, Iconic, Manics, Sweat, Anthem, Romp, Defiant, Spirit, Boys, 1977, Whirlwind, Glitter. There you go, mix and match for your own poct review. More surprisingly for those of you doubting their commitment to enrich the tapestry of rock and roll beyond threatening the occasional chav (see the hilarious video online at you tube right now), their debut album appears to contain not only songs, but also a certain flair and style which emerges from all the hype like a welcome brandy and cigars at the end of a Big Mac Happy Meal. You may not currently like 'em, but you can't deny that on this showing you may have misjudged their ability to bypass the normal "we're a return to rock and roll" trajectory assumed by previous contenders like Dogs D'Amour: All over Kerrang, straight to garbage can. Whether they can escape your expectations remains to be seen. Certainly worth checking out.



Wednesday 7th

Hailing from Vancouver, Canada, currently home to all things in the world most indie-tastic - just ask Mr Bowie - Crystal Pistol have turned their back on ill fitting suits and neat lines in Smiths and Talking Heads rip offs and headed straight for that dark alley at the back of the pool club where the slightly dirty kids chew gum and grow their hair to untenable lengths whilst listening to a non-stop diet of Guns and Roses albums. They seem to have been on tour since the beginning of time, and could probably do with a bath and a nice lie down by the time they get here. Unfortunately the Forum shower block is broken, so I advise admiring their antics from a suitable distance removed from the stage, unless you happen to love the smell of rancid roadie socks. The live reviews says "By the end of the first song the singer was drenched in a fountain of beer.these guys epitomise cock rock excess. It ain't rock n roll unless something gets broken!" They've come all the way from Canada to be here, so I am sure you could manage to wander over from the Pantiles, even if they have got a large screen TV showing Botswana versus Mozambique - "it was nil nil at full time with twenty seven years of further tedium added on for injuries".
Red Star Rebels have taken a similar well trodden path to that horribly smelly part of the dressing room normally associated with Jack Daniels imbibing and blonde groupies with slightly unbelievably large cleavage.
Recently completing a tour vwith Gilby Clarke from Guns and Roses, a devoted Red Star Rebels fan, the band are busy touting their jagged rock up and down the country, and have featured in Guitar and Classic Rock magazines as ones to watch.
Is there a smelly rock revival going on or is it just me? Barman, restock with Tequila!


Unlabel present their 2006 Summertime Special – a summer evening show like no other
Friday 9th

JOEYFAT return to The Forum for the first time this year (it could also be the last time this year as one of them is off to India for some considerable period so they thought they’d better play a home town show before he goes!). If you’ve seen Joeyfat before then you know what to expect – a very tall bloke fronting some of the most extraordinary sounds a band can make, always with added extras and surprises along the way – and if you haven’t witnessed their bizarre take on post-hardcore then, well, you really should. They don’t really sound like anyone else. At all. (And, despite what you may have heard, they’re not splitting up either…!).

Special guests for the night are S*M*A*S*H. If you’re thinking ‘who?’ then they were one of the greatest bands of the ‘90s who arrived at completely the wrong time! They caused an uproar in the NME, Melody Maker and the like with front cover spreads, amazing gig reviews, Singles of the Week and more. They were an adrenaline fuelled mix of anger, energy, righteous indignation, politics, DIY punk empowerment and star jumps, all choreographed to some of the finest songs you’ll ever hear. They played hundreds of gigs to thousands of normally overlooked punters, produced fanzines, badges and fantastic cheap sloganeering T-shirts by the bucket load as well as appearing on Top of the Pops - they could have been one of the biggest bands of our time. They were virtually self-banned by their dogged refusal to play the game; S*M*A*S*H were far too real for a nation being spoon-fed Blur, Suede and Oasis. Well now they’re back, the original line up, with a mix of classics and new songs. They last played here in 1994 – it was one of the best gigs at The Forum ever!

Making their live debut are THE BORED HOUSEWIVES, which is the brand new project from the boys previously known as Jason and the Astronauts. No-one knows what they will sound like but if they’re half as good as the Astronauts then they should be ace.

Opening the evening are two more local acts – solo artist COLLIDES IN ARC and the up-and-coming band THE PINS, who are a blend of female vocals, screams, electronics, distorted trebly guitars and odd drumming (both on Win! Win! Win! Records)
It should be an eclectic and crazy night. Doors are at 7:30pm with the first act on early. It’s £5.00 in advance and we’d advise booking for this one…


Intraverse
4th wall
Friday 16th

INTRAVERSE comprise of four young, highly talented musicians who bring together in their music a unique blend of raw rock driven by funky grooves and an abundance of passion, energy and charisma. The result is some truely great tunes and one of the liveliest performances you're ever likely to see. Formed in 2000, Intraverse are going places, they've wowed audiences across the South of England (not to mention the odd trip to liverpool and newcastle), they've played in most of the venues worth playing and have even supported The Buzzcocks during their most recent UK Tour. Don't miss the chance to see this band (no matter what your musical taste) you won't be disappointed!
4th WALL are a Tunbridge Wells based outfit, consisting of: Paul Cheese, Dan Wright, D. Gullick and Dave Hazlewood.
They've toured through Europe and are currently receiving both UK and international interest. Influences include:Bonzo Dog Band, Prodigy. Helmet, Red Hot Chilli peppers, Gary Numan, Wynton Marsalis, KMFDM, Queen, The Stranglers, Buddy Holly and Scooter. Definitely a band to catch.


Led Zep Too
Thursday 22nd

It took two years to find the right people for this project but it was well worth the wait. Led Zep Too are a good solid unit and are without a doubt the most accurate sounding tribute to the live sound of Led Zeppelin. When you see Led Zep Too there are no gimmicks, no backing tapes, it's just four musicians performing the music of Led Zeppelin. The band have been gigging for just over one year which has proven to be a very sucessful year indeed,
Led Zep Too take their repertoire largely from the first 6 albums with some additional tracks from later albums. The current song list stands at about 4½ hours enabling an ever changing set list, you can almost guarantee that you could see them two consecutive nights and be in for some surprises as far as the set list goes! In fact the biggest problem is working out which songs not to play! The band usually play a minimum of 2½ hours without a break, if there is a late bar they have been known to play for well over 3 hours replicating the authenticity of the tribute at a level higher than just playing the music. Led Zep Too are at present not a look-alike band, while some Zep tributes think dressing up in costume can help them emulate the best rock band to have existed, Led Zep Too prefer to let their musical talent declare them the best tribute to Led Zeppelin by a milestone. Dressing up has not be written off completely though, but the music is first and foremost without a doubt the most important thing, especially when you are talking about Led Zeppelin.
Led Zep Too use authentic equipment where possible, including vintage amplifiers, real keyboards, a violin bow for the Dazed & Confused solo, a Theremin for the Whole Lotta Love solo and a 28 inch bass drum! Particular attention is paid to recreating the live sound of Led Zeppelin, using arrangements from live versions rather than playing album tracks like a juke box.


Pink Grease
Luxembourg . New Homes
Friday 23rd

Pink Grease are a six-piece rock group from Sheffield, England. Their most prominent influences include early '70s glam rock (David Bowie, Iggy Pop) and new wave/punk rock (Duran Duran, The Damned). They released their debut EP "All Over You", in 2003, followed by "This Is For Real", both on Daniel Miller's Mute label.Consisting of: Rory Lewarne - lead vocal, Nicholas Collier - the machine, Steve Santa Cruz - guitar, vocals, John Joseph Lynch - guitar, saxophone, Stuart Faulkner - bass, vocals and Marc Hoad - drums

Formed during 2002 in the UK city of Sheffield and named after (or so legend has it) a compilation of 1950's Doo Wop songs, Pink Grease have already made bold moves to ensure that their name is featured within their home city's proud musical lineage. The city of Sheffield maintains a reputation for producing music born out of unlikely fusions. Music that often flies in the face of fashion to create something that looks feels and sounds entirely right for its time and Pink Grease are certainly from this mindset.
The Pink Grease world is a highly seductive place with a music, image and attitude that brings to mind those heady years when all things glam slammed headlong into all things punk. A time when for a brief moment it was possible to glimpse glitter amongst the thrashing chaos.
That Pink Grease wear their sleazy, surly influences like a badge of honour is never more apparent than during their energetic live shows, Their blitzkrieg bopping onstage mayhem and dumb-ass punk antics have already seen them compared to many of their musical heroes.
The future is pink ..... and greasy ......


"Polmo Polpo is the main project of Toronto-based musician Sandro Perri, who combines long-burn drones, submerged rhythms and various instrumental sources (slide guitar, strings, accordion) to make shimmering soundscapes embedded with gorgeous melodic hooks." - Constellation Records

"Perri operates in a strange netherworld between avant-dub and more post-rock influences. Yet, unlike many others, he captures enough few twists and turns along way to showcase a true mark of respect rather than blatant thievery." BBC experimental review


The Stable

And so we reach the final two shows of Round Two of THE MAN'S CHOICE, otherwise known a the industry vote. Due to time constraints and bands not being available for various dates, thse last two shows feature not the usual 3 band bill, but a stonking great FOUR band line-up

Mon 5th
FLEEING FROM FINALES . ONEBOYGIRL . SEVEN STORY DOWN . THE DIARYS

FLEEING FROM FINALES are exciting, deep and danceable pop / rock / emo from the not-so-sunny Bexhill signed to For Winners Records. Powerful, energetic vocals combined with catchy, stand-out keyboards in the vein of your favourite 90's college rock provide FFF with THE ROCK.
"..'If you like power punk-pop with sun-drenched harmonies and lots of singalongs, check out Bexhills FLEEING FROM FINALES....it's a mix of Fall Out Boy, Something Corporate and Mae and they do it better than practically any other UK band"."
- Big Cheese Magazine - April '06 - ONEBOYGIRL are a Garage punk band from Hastings - formed after the demise of The Saffires and Compared to Pigeons, Mark (The Crayons) and Roger Care, join Dale and his pop songwriting formulas to show everyone that they can rock as good as they used to.
SEVEN STORY DOWN formed in February 2003 and have spent the last three years deciding what kind of band they want to be. They have gigged all over this fine country and headlined weekend slots at prestigious London venues, winning over the audience with energetic performances. Their latest e.p. 'A pattern a system of dreams' was recorded in January 2006. It captures the current sound, mixing catchy pop hooks with loud guitars and crashing drums , As our very own Mr Mills once said "..They have an enviable richness crossed with raw potential that many more experienced bands that I could mention would happily eat their own testicles for.."
THE DIARYS offer easy and hypnotic acoustic blues with a sprinkling of pop and jazz. Performances are tight and well-rehearsed and seeing the diarys live you've got this melting pot of funky, acoustic, passionate blues which gets everyone into the groove.

Mon 12th
CONTRA LAS ARAS . EPISODE . KOBRAKAI . NEWHOMES

THE ARAS have been together for around a year but playing together for a long time now - playing solid beats, straight bass lines and grit tech.. and occasionally lacrosse at the weekends. EPISODE create an eerie soundscape of whirs and blips and the thunderous rhythmic power of dual guitars. Tension and release hasn't sounded this urgent for ages. Post hardcore riffage and howled vocals combined with electronic, minimalist soundscapes. Unwaveringly dark in places yet with a strange sense of hope, the band show a blistering intensity that is lacking in the current musical climate. Pretty darn good stuff.
Featuring Glenn Dixon, Daniel Osbourne, Chris Smith and Caz Cleavin, KOBRAKAI cite influences including: Rage Against The Machine, Bullet for My Valentine and Funeral for a Friend. NEWHOMES describe themselves thus: "Lead singer Sam Diamond exudes charisma, interacting with his followers, making them feel like an integral part of the band. Guitarist Matt Stringer, bounds round the stage as if possessed by past guitar heros, jumping on amps, drum kits, anything, even the crowd. Bassist Adam Taylor is the epitome of cool, looking nonchalant, seemingly unaffected by the chaos surrounding him, but always knowing that its his killer basslines that are the ignition of all this pandemonium. Drummer Matt Goldsworthy keeps his bleached blonde head down and gets on with the job in hand, but surely with half his mind on the legions of young girls waiting to tackle him backstage! It is a task to describe what New Homes sound like, it's not as simple as pigeon-holing them, they describe themselves as Alternative Post-Punk, but there's more to them than that.


Mr. Mills' Monthly Moan

Fony + zucchini -- Sat 20th May 06

Ever get one of those days with recurring themes? Since this morning I've had at least a dozen people whinging at me that something or other is just not fair, demanding sympathy or action accordingly. Something in the air? Maybe there's a sign on my head that says "Disgruntled? Unload here!" as if I haven't got enough troubles of my own to deal with. From the wife and kid, to neighbours, to friends with complicated love lives, to self-centred arseholes on the web to a fool at The Forum tonight, annoyed because things are pants, dumped by the bird, moaned at by his band…blah, blah blah. Everything's unjust and everyone's a fucking victim. Those same three words keep coming with such monotonous regularity it feels like it's going to be my bloody epitaph: "It's not fair!" and it's down to me to agree tactfully that yes indeed, it really isn't fair, it's all terribly unjust, they must feel awfully peeved and mine's white with two sugars, thanks. Maybe it's the greying hair; I must look like a kindly uncle or something.
Well if there's one immutable truth about life, love and the music industry, it's that it's never fair. Never has been, never will be. Welcome to the world where most of the time things don't go your way, people are cunts for the sake of it, the cheats win, the bastards get the girls, nice people get screwed over, scum rises to the top and shit happens. It might piss on your chips to be in a hardworking entertaining and talented band, having to watch some appallingly bad bunch of fucked-up teenage wasters get signed and become industry darlings for doing little more than existing, but the sad truth of the matter is that nobody else gives a toss and if you whinge about it, the only ones taking notice will be insincere gits like me who find themselves stuck listening to your pathetic poxy whining. Which is just one reason why Zucchini are so fucking good.
Confused? Well Zucchini have every right to scream in defiant frustration, because despite gigging their hairy clockweights off for five years all over the place, developing a widespread dedicated and loyal pre-Myspace fanbase, supporting some seriously good bands and producing the best local release of 2004 in their "Fallen Star" album (Go buy it. It's ace and only a fiver), Zucchini have watched politely while younger bands with a similar style but a fraction of the talent and even less personality have overtaken them in the recognition stakes. But when your music is essentially emo-tinged alt-metal, the likes of Zucchini get dismissed as yet another oddly-named local band from a saturated genre, which when which you consider how good they actually are and how long they've been doing it, is just sooooo not fair.
But do Zucchini bitch and whinge about it? No. Zucchini remain nobly magnanimous with praise and support for their peers and fans; genuinely pleased for bands that have leapfrogged the system and made it while they stay slogging it out on the toilet circuit as the band that everyone likes, who are undeniably gifted and are decent fellows who treat other bands and fans with genuine respectful gratitude, but are largely ignored by those with the cheque books. Whereas many lesser bands would allow bitterness to corrupt them from within, Zucchini are seasoned and tough enough not to appear either desperate or despondent, because to them, that sort of success is secondary to having a band and songs to be immensely proud of.
Finally though, things are beginning to happen for them and there's not a man woman or child (of which there seem to be a disturbing amount this evening) in the room who begrudges them an inch, because it's long, long overdue.
A support slot for Status Quo, a sensible management deal and forthcoming single "Animosity", a pounding bloodied bitch of a tune incidentally, might have been ages coming but on the strength of tonight, it's clearly for the best that it's taken this long, as they've not only gathered an impressive set of road scars but polished themselves to slick perfection, developing organically from an unruly roaring beast to a refined smooth-running unit of devastating power and panache. Oh, they're ready alright, and if bruising musical headbutts like "Nick Berry" and "Driver" can't convince you, well you're probably beyond hope and don't even deserve guidance.
Taking cues from the likes of Hundred Reasons, Therapy, the Foos and 36 Crazyfists, Zucchini's blend of emotive alt-metal might not break the mould or offer anything revolutionary given the progressive expectations of the current music scene, but big-lunged Ross Page & Co play every one of their tunes as if they've been passionately adored anthems for the masses over the past few years, which in a very modest way, they have been. Those that follow Zucchini do so fanatically, and certainly many more people should follow now that they've got what they needed to help them gather momentum, but it begs the question of whether it's too little too late. Sure, they piss over headliners Fony from a great height, but the scene has moved on as Zucchini are acutely aware, and though the market still exists for a band as classy as they are, the clock seems to be ticking and they'd better get a move on or they'll find that they haven't just missed the bus, the service has been terminated.
I wonder who'll be moaning that "it's not fair" then, eh?
I daresay there were more than a few exclamations of unfairness going on in the Fony camp a while back. Losing enigmatic vocalist Olly just when the acclaimed 'Circles' album and it's accompanying hefty gig schedule were gleaning them serious attention, must have made the Redhill boys feel that everything was slipping away through no fault of their own. But enter ex-Scenes frontman Fraser and it's not just a matter of rehearsals, but virtual reinvention from the ground upwards.
While Fony have proved their resourceful dexterity before, the new material from "Mercy After Fiction" unveils a cobweb-strewn dark side that they seem anxious to explore now that an exceptional set of pipes is leading the way. Sure, they're still the same old mentalist, immaculate nu-metal with cheeky grins and riffs that could serve in a knife fight, although there's a new progressive element to their Deftones/Korn inspired grit that's infinitely more grown-up: bold sweeping guitars, acoustic interplay, percussive exploration, the whole nine yards. But with that comes the reduction in moshpit intensity, which is the trade-off they've spent the last six months or so trying in vain to avoid.
Though the remaining crowd are idly appreciative, as their creative flair is effortless to enjoy, with the exception of new single "Waco", a spazz-out romp of unrelenting power, Fony are finding it increasingly difficult to maintain excitement tonight. This could simply be due to an audience that halved mid-way through their set, but it doesn't forebode well and Fony traipse limply and indifferently through the motions. Sadly, it seems that in their eagerness to show how much they're technically a better band now, they've lost a bit of the heart that made them previously such an entertaining bunch. And that's just so unfair isn't it?

Contact us

Our eager, hyperactive, willing to please, forelock-tugging, cap-doffing, can-do, nothing's-too-much trouble, highly trained, elite, ex-SAS and Girl Guides, crack squad of volunteers are waiting like coiled springs, with Sanatogen coursing through their veins, bouncing off the walls for you, and only you !

We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.
You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101

We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on, and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
www.twforum.co.uk
You can also email us, so do that to:
twforum@globalnet.co.uk
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets are also available to be purchased from the following retail outlets:
The Longplayer, 3 Grosvenor Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 539273
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776



++++++coming soon++++++

COMEDY FORUM - Thu 6th July
SEND MORE PARAMEDICS - Saturday 8th July
THE WEDDING PRESENT - Tuesday 11th July
SEAFOOD - Friday 14th July
THE MAN'S CHOICE FINAL - Saturday 15th July
THE FANS' CHOICE FINAL - Saturday 22nd July
GOOD BOOKS - Saturday 29th July
CHRIS TT - Sunday 30th July


Lifted (with permission) from the June edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them


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