On a more serious note, due to new Government legislation on education and literary standards. The Forum has been informed that as of September, the messageboard will be inspected by Ofsted, aka the education authority Gestapo. So, to save Liam the soundguy having to stay behind and write, "I must not have the onstage backline levels too loud" 500 times, we urge you, nay, beseech you to try and compose your messages, with correct grammar, syntax, punctuation, and definitely no split infinitives. Or we'll all be in the shit! C U L8R!
This is the third night brought to
you by BEATS ON TOAST a local
production team/uk hip hop promoter. We have for your listening pleasure the rising stars 'Digitek' who are a 5 man crew from Brighton.
"Since forming in the last months of the last millennium, Digitek are now Brighton's premier Hip-Hop crew. Digitek combines Drum and Bass ambassador MC Junior Red; 15-year ragga-veteran MC Buzz; the clinically precise cuts of DJ IYE-95 with the hi-tech 12 O'clock sound of Pablo and Warwick. Digitek are the roundbreaking genre-defying act for the 21st Century."
"Fierce rhymes and hard beats with a stage presence to match, these guys never disappoint." - BBC Radio 1
A sizeable fan-base has built up through the unique energetic live shows. Reworking the ever-changing set on-stage with extra samples, scratches and effects thrown in, ensures every gig is distinct. Each ends with an open microphone freestyle session over a new 12 O'clock instrumental.
Digitek performed live twice for the BBC Radio 1's "1 Live in Brighton", played on 1Xtra and were awarded the "Favourite unsigned dance act" at the Brighton Music Awards 2003. www.channeldigitek.com.
Also appearing courtesy of Real Talk Records (a local Kent/Medway based label) is Mike.S and Kalibre who have their first release The Things We Do 12"(SIN/HL 002) which will be in shops in the next few weeks.
The next BEATS ON TOAST night will in June/July time, check out the website
for more details.
Dogs Die in Hot Cars
Doors open 7:30pm
Sporting what in my opinion is one of the worst names in the biz (how about No Hot Ashes or Please Wash Hands Afterwards?) Dogs Die in Hot Cars are a unique-sounding guitar-based indie band whose music is best described as combining energetic, upbeat guitar strumming with Hot Hot Heat style vocals. With such stonking tunes such as the CURE-tastic 'I Love You Cause I Have To' their last single , and their new single GOD HOPPING. These tunes are tangy little slices of sparky pop music with piano, doubled up tempo and doubled up vocal tracks. Cunning and crisply played guitar is a secret hidden ingredient. They have confident long lines like QUEEN and stuttering tempos like early DEXY'S or XTC. The moment for a resurgence of pure pop song genius offers itself once every couple of years, and a band sneaks through for a hit or two and a good album. DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS may just be that band. Please note that due to this being May Day, doors are opening at 7:30, with 3 support bands!
Loveable lunatics Mohair
release their debut double A side single 'Brown Eyes Blue' / 'Something To
Remember' on April 19th on M1 Records.
'Brown Eyes Blue' and 'Something To Remember' are two hearty slices of melodic pop and have such hook-laden choruses you will undoubtedly be singing them all the way into the next millennium.
MOHAIR are true purveyors of melody. They know how to take a foundation of guitars, a Hammond, bass and drums, then mix in with it four vocal harmonies to create songs that are simply sunshine. Their unquestionable charisma shines through on Brown Eyes Blue, a song about looking at things positively.
The four lads from Watford who make up the band are:
Pete Baker - Drums, Backing Vocals
'As solid a drummer as he is a geezer…good beard too.' - Alex
Tim Slade - Bass, Backing Vocals
'he likes his tea and cats.' - Tom
Alex Richards - Keyboards, Backing Vocals
'he can arrange the shit out of a Mozart string quartet or a Kylie medley.' Tim
Tom Billington - Vocals, Guitar
'a gazelle on steroids….he plays how he is, fast, frantic and filthy.' Pete
The Freaks Union
Right Turn Clyde
Hailing from Plymouth, six piece ska-core act No Comply joined the Deck Cheese roster in the summer of 2002 & released their highly acclaimed debut EP 'Your Life (Is Your Direction). One of the hardest gigging bands in the UK right now they have completed numorous tours with the likes of MU330, Lightyear, RX Bandits & Nerf Herder, which coincidentally saw the band make their first visit to mainland Europe. Their unique blend of Save Ferris crashing head on with the heavyweight riffage of the likes of Capdown, No Comply are winning new fans wherever they go & are fast growing up to be one of the most popular live acts on the domestic circuit. The video for the title track of the EP recently reached the dizzy heights of number 2 in the Scuzz viewers chart, only to be pipped at the post by Funeral For A Friend.
2004 holds a lot in store for No Comply, now with a settled line up the band head into Mushroom studios in Feb-Mar to record their debut full length album due for release in May. This of course will be accompanied by touring on a vast scale once more. Those of you who've seen the band in recent months will know what to expect from the new material as they explore a more heavier, mature sound, slowly heading away from the ska moments on the EP.
A foursome that would fit snugly
on to the Drive Thru Records roster of bands, Not Katies sound like 'Nothing
Gold Can Stay'-era New Found Glory. Their songs are a little rough and ready
round the edges, but in the most part these are guitar driven pop songs with
choruses so big their hooks could land whales. And energy? There's enough
here to run a small African nation for an entire year! 'At Every Turn', the
band's first release for Deck Cheese Records, is a fast paced selection of
11 songs, featuring hook-filled anthem after hook-filled anthem, plus of course
the now obligatory quieter track.
ONE DAY ELLIOTT deliver a most melodic and energetic set. These guys are real tunesmiths, along a happy punk vibe - delivering fast paced songs in a Greenday/Supergrass style.
Cubic Space Division
Kent metallers Cubic Space Division quartet was formed by guitarist/ vocalist Jamie Floate, who briefly played with Earthtone9 around the time the Nottingham noise oiks recorded their monumental 'arc 'tan' gent' album. Since their incarnation in 2002, Cubic Space Division have already received critical acclaim, and this looks set to continue with the release of their debut self-titled album.If you're searching for metal to take you on an epic journey of modern soundscapes, then Cubic Space Division's experimental sonics are just the ticket. Exploring the depths of light and dark, sometimes claustrophobic, sometimes uplifting, 'Cubic Space Division' is a journey into the realms of atmospheric metal.
Whereas many of their peers look to the seedy 1970s CBGB's scene for inspiration,
The Izzys instead have turned their attention to good old Blighty and sound
remarkably like the Rolling Stones when they were at their hungriest and most
creative (Fuck me, when was that then, 1946? - Ed). Tumbling catchy guitar
lines and a healthy dose of attitude are the order of the day with this NYC
three-piece that mixes The Strokes with the Stones and will guarantee frenzy
at their UK gigs this month.
We're talking Rolling Stones post-Altamont; almost exactly at the midway blues point of Sticky Fingers and Exile On Main St, a point in which they were allowing a slick-studio-polish to their guitar work to further remove themselves from the Klein era, with added dirty blues riffs and tight musicianship replacing raw, often grungey mono singles. Listen to The Izzys on your stereo and you will think you are standing next to the front of their stage. What makes them sound so fresh, and more importantly so exciting, is their ability to fully indulge in rock virtuosity without the need to overdo the noise-levels.
The music biz, as Herr Obergruppenfuhrer
2M is constantly telling us, is fast going the way of the dodo, and indeed,
the fop Randall's sartorial awareness! With record companies increasingly
reluctant to invest in new acts- the rot is all too plain to see. Which makes
Mark Joseph's story all the more - heartwarming. Having submitted demo upon
demo to The Man, 19 year old Mark finally succeeded in impressing one label
with his infectious blend of guitar pop. The Joseph famille duly relocated
from Yorkshire to t' big City, only for the deal to disappear in a puff of
sulphuric smelling smoke, leaving the Joseph clan destitute!
But weep not dear eader, Mark then invented a 'National Non-Uniform Day for Music' and set up a tour of over 100 schools. Buoyed by the overwhelming reaction from 100, 000 pre-pubescents panting over him, Mark then persuaded Virgin Megastores to stock his single, "Get Through". He then contacted the schools that he'd gigged at and asked them to to take orders of the single from the pupils. On the strength of this, the single zoomed into the Radio 1 singles chart at #38! All of a sudden, the lazy, we-want-it-all-on-a-plate-us record companies wanted a piece of the action, with Joseph finally signing to Warner Bros Fourteenth Floor imprint under the tutelage of of the man behind David Gray, Christian Tattersfield (!). Think Oasis, Paul Weller and Steve Winwood and indeed, any other 60s influenced top class guitar based pop act!
Also appearing tonight, fresh from their sell-out show with David Devant & His Spirit Wife, are Brighton based VELDT. The band that launched a million review cliches about cinematic, monochrome, film-noir bed-sit spy angst, with a touch of The Prisoner/Ipcress File chucked in for good measure. Featuring Pam Anne the airline uniform fetishist on guitar, Lloyd on Scott Walker/Jarvis Cocker moves, Simon on bass, who's currently compiling an Elvis Deep Fried recipe book, and Mike on 'cello, cello, whose your lady friend?' (and they say Music Hall's dead? - Ed). This band are going to be big, so remember where you first read about them.
Indie film nights
The Forum and Muzikansky are becoming part of the global digital film revolution. From now on you won’t have to go to Cannes to watch weird and wonderful short films.At last you can see them here, first, at the holy toilet.
From May 27th Muzikansky and the Forum will be piloting Indie Film Nights on the last Thursday of the month. We will show innovative short video/films from young Local, National and International aspiring filmmakers.We are looking for short films which are up to fifteen minutes long. At the moment, VHS tapes or Hi8 formats only, and no longer than 15 minutes.
Don’t be shy, If you would like your short film to be included get
in quick before word gets round, send it to:
UNSCREEN, FORUM, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, TN4 8YU
Enclose contact information and an SAE if you wish your video to be returned.
Cut off dates for submissions 17th May, 17th June.
For further information contact Muzikansky email@example.com or The Forum at firstname.lastname@example.org
Doors open 20:00 Admission Fee £2.50 on the door.
Pure Reason Revolution
Token Raygun Dept
bands have claimed their beginnings at university and Pure Reason Revolution
continue that tradition. Founder members Jon Courtney and Greg Jong first
met at London's University of Westminster, mimicking the coming together of
their idols Pink Floyd, who studied in the same place nearly forty years earlier.
Whilst keeping an eye loosely on their studies, they discovered a mutual love of barbershop singing and cheesefood (a delicacy purchased for 49p in Sainsbury's). They started making recordings of their songs brought from influences such as the aforementioned Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Super Furry Animals, Beach Boys and CSN&Y etc. The bedroom they worked from was swiftly named Cheesefood Studios, and thus the recordings gradually became more and more polished. This all took place despite the underlying tension from the fierce rivalry of Jon's Reading FC and Greg's Wycombe Wanderers FC.
With only two real songs, four incredibly stupid ditties concerning estate agents and smiling dogs, no name, yet keen interest, the boys realized the need to start taking the project a little more seriously.
One week after enjoying their first taste of industry hospitality, Claire Sturgess picked up on the track named "Apprentice Of The Universe", and gave it a spin on Xfm. Not since has Claire uttered such positive remarks exclaiming, "How ACE is that!!? Somebody sign this immediately." Straight away, Jon and Greg threw together/carefully selected a dedicated band of minions, all keen to pursue a lifestyle of espionage, psychodrama and fantasy. This early twenty-something quintet now comprises Jon (Vox, Guitar, Synths), Greg (Vox, Guitar, Synths), Chloe (Vox, Bass, Tamba, Synths), James (Sampler, Synths, Vox, Bass) and Anders (Drums).
Their debut gig was Sept 2002 at "In The City" in Manchester the following week they were tipped as "One of our top three acts" by Radio One's "Lamacq Live" - the rock was well and truly rolling!
In their heads they have already written a follow up to Dark Side Of The Moon.
Fuzz . Iskra . Veldt . Elegantly Trashed . Fray . Tasfuira
Doors open 6:00pm
Something a bit different for the Stable night; as well as the usual fandabbydozy 3 bands, we shall be opening at 6:00pm, and having an additional 3 bands, who will open the evening's proceedings. These bands being ELEGANTLY TRASHED, ZUCCHINI, and returning from the wilderness, FRAY.(featuring Huey from Fun Lovin' Criminals on bass? - see below Ed) FUZZ are a pure unadulterated rock band, with some great songs, while ISKRA are the local Pink Floyd, and seem to have a residency at theHoly Toilet.. VELDT are tipped to be the next big thing to come out of Brighton. Recently signed to Outstanding Records, their 60's wide-screen cinematic songs will make you both want to cry, and tell the person next to you exactly how much you love him/her!. Which brings us neatly on to those ubervixens ELEGANTLY TRASHED.....................................................
Making a more than welcome return to the comedy hinterland that is Tunbridge Wells. COMEDY FORUM will now be on the first Thursday of every month.This month's being Thursday 6th
Comedy Forum, Tunbridge Wells' original and best value for money comedy night presents four more top names from the international stand-up comedy circuit. Looking like some bizarre marionette tug-of-love struggle between Parker and Scott Tracey, and indeed our very own Ian Carvell, MARTIN DAVIS skids and bounces across the stage, strung up and tugged around by unknown forces, firing off a relentless rapid-fire assault that hits every corner of the room and kills 100% of all known hecklers stone dead. Going where mere joke-tellers fear to tread with his characteristic kamikaze bravado ("Go on, heckle me, you bastards!") he walks the razor edge of audience participation, daring them to pick him off it. His skill in warming up the chilliest rooms and turning the stoniest punters into soft putty in his hands makes Martin Davis the comics comic With enough nervous energy to power a small city, Martin is the Jolt Cola of the circuit. Advice would be: connect up the microphone, shout "Clear" and stand well back!
Witty Glaswegian AYESHA HAZARIKA comes in a small package but delivers huge laughs and outstanding comedy moments. She is rapidly climbing the comedy ladder and also knows a bit about politics in her daytime role as a government spin doctor. Typical Hazarika humour covers the 3 Rs - race, religion and relationships - just what you'd expect from an Indian Glaswegian living in London. MC for the night, and doing his best to keep the Comedy Forum regular reprobates in order, is the shaved chimp himself, and ex-mugger from THE BILL, ALEXIS DUBUS. no stranger to the Forum, and back by popular demand!
Comedy Forum, 5th April
Once is vaguely mirthsome. Twice seems like a forgiveable error but to herald
in all three segments of tonight's April Fool's Day return of the Comedy Forum
with Python's "Sit On My Face", does MC Paul Redwood no favours
whatsoever. It could be swept aside if he was amusing, but as this sad and
witless prat drones on and on with his pitiful whining voice about his ex-wife
for what seems like the hundredth time tonight, he's beyond redemption, beyond
pity and beyond a joke. It gets to a point where one dreads each set coming
to an end, not because the evening is passing so quickly, but because it means
that this soul-destroyingly pointless bozo is coming back on again to give
us more examples of other people's material that he can't quite get the hang
of. Oh shit here it goes again "…sit on my face and tell me that
you love me…". Somebody pass me something heavy to throw.
A bingo-caller from a Southampton council estate, Redwood's on pretty safe ground with this sort of crowd as he actually uses effective, if unoriginal material, somewhat above the Neanderthal humour level of the old ladies who no doubt harass him daily in their quest to win £5 and a packet of J-cloths. In retort, the new(ish) faces are eager enough to allow his interaction to develop to a limited degree, but there's little on his mind tonight other than feeling sorry for himself and it just doesn't belong. The man's got a lot of issues and demons that don't need to be exercised on stage unless a rich seam of dark humour is going to be mined, and he hasn't got the ability to do that with any impetus or sense of involvement. The ex-wife material is as uncomfortable and cold as it is unfunny and this recurring bitter theme seems an excuse to let off steam rather than an inspiration for gags. The likes of Dominic Frisby and Jeff Green can turn the pain of failure and regret into insightful, ironic and engagingly sharp witticisms because they're natural comics who really can find gold in the gloom, but Redwood's just a bog-standard monkey who expects us to feel sorry for him when we really only empathise with her. Dreadful.
If you wrapped an orange sheet around Jon Torrens and gave him a bell to ring, he'd probably pass for a Hare Krishna of some sort. He's already got a head start by shaving his bonce (which saves time in the morning) and is a self-taught master of a unique martial art, the spiritually enlightening "Lay-Zee". Only the fact that someone has neglected to provide a chair seems to be preventing him from sitting down, but he's too proficient in Lay-Zee to go and get one. Probably.
Torrens is an almost impossibly confident comic and has the gift of being able to comfortably take inspiration from his audience with huge degrees of playfulness and fun, even though they actually give him very little to work with. But whatever motivation he receives, the resultant material is inspiringly classy and engagingly smart. Other languages, superheroes, tattoos, herbal tea, he rarely sounds rehearsed but never falters in his loquaciousness, finding ways of bringing the material back to his Lay-Zee activities with almost seamless precision and admirable style. He admits though, that being such an expert in Lay-Zee has it's drawbacks as because of his alternative consciousness, he inadvertently leaves shops sometimes without paying for things. And you know what? If it was your shop you'd let him.
James Branch has got the 'Royal' prefix right without being told and upon learning that it's because TW has a Spa, is just about to leap into the predictable howler about his own town having a Tescos too, when someone's sudden cockerel noise throws him in a sublimely silly direction. You see, Comedy Forum has a guilty habit of allowing inexperienced acts with no delivery skills in the middle billing, which is more often than not, a good excuse to go over the road to KFC. Therefore, it's quite an enchanting surprise to be faced with a raw talent like Branch's because he's one of those performers who not only responds to an unexpected heckle with wit and panache, but spins off a whole stream of related threads as variations on a theme. In this case, digressing into the pre-match war cry of the New Zealand rugby team, then absurd slants on co-habitation and the twisted logic of the female species, with natural timing and easy linkage. Although faced with a predominantly teenage crowd at the front, Branch manages to work and engage the whole room, despite not being able to see very much, which is a risky move considering that his immediate spectators aren't even comfortable living with their parents let alone anyone else.
Although occasionally ill-fittingly deadpan in his delivery, his oddball perceptions are borne of frustration and cynicism without tasting bitter, so it's going to be interesting to see how he develops his onstage personality in future because he's got the gift and is unquestionably good at using it. Besides, anyone who shares my fascination with Kate Bush's tits is OK by me.
Perhaps it's because he seemingly belongs to so many culturally variegated groups, that Jack Cowley has such a casual ability to stick the knife in and twist it without being considered unnecessarily cruel. In the same way that the Irish have licence to tell the best Paddy jokes, Cowley uses his background of Welshness, Irishness and Surrey-bred middle-classness to cut to the quick and not only find the perfect sucker almost immediately, but to know instinctively what's going to embarrass and humiliate them the most. He manages to continually rip the piss out of his chosen victims with such witty effectiveness and enamouring sincerity that it seems sympathetic rather than vicious, as if he understands the stereotype he has chosen to exaggerate, because he's had to deal with it himself, ultimately making his prey not only easy, but strangely eager.
This method of subtle psychological interaction with an audience is strengthened by his ability to continually switch pace, method and character, according to whatever comic riffs pour forth from his string-of-consciousness observations looking for a target. Watching Cowley perform is rather like watching a dozen different comics all doing their thing, because the random stylistics of his repertoire vary so greatly: deadpan causticity, blatant silliness, intelligent perceptiveness, physical playfulness, involving interplay, druggy dippiness, opprobrious teasing, self-piteous pathos, surreal oddness and downright sickness. It makes Cowley quite a fascinating guy to observe because he truly doesn't know what's going to happen or where he's going from one moment to the next, but it seems to keep him on his toes, constantly receptive to changes in the atmosphere like some form of comic barometer, and able to gauge exactly what level of humour is needed at any given point.
It could be argued though, that a room full of students is unchallenging, as material about how to win Big Brother by pretending to talk in your sleep, why women can't catch (unless they're lesbians) and how to use pet passports to smuggle dope through customs, might in truth go down well regardless of who was delivering the funnies on stage. The thing is, it takes a special type of comic to correctly establish whether this can be seamlessly followed by a piece about a pregnant dog's vagina feeling "no different whatsoever…" and make it seem an absolutely agreeable direction to go in. It's because Cowley's got the ability to guiltlessly parody the darker side of the human psyche with enormous contempt for hypocrisy. There are few more effective levellers than pointing out that we've all tasted our own piss at some point and this sort of painfully acute over-honesty is one of the joys of seeing him perform. Boundaries are for other people as he doesn't set out to shock, just to articulate what most of us feel and think but are too paranoid and fucked-up to admit.
Maybe it's not the cultural camaraderie that endears him. Maybe that just helps. Maybe it's simply because to argue with the truth is pointless and laughter's the only option. I dunno, ask someone who gives a damn. Jack Cowley's just funny and that's all that matters.
We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM
You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the office enquiry line on 01892 545792
We also have a brand new website where you can find out all about what's on, and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
You can also email us, so do that to:
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, play our hi-tech computer game: TOILET CLEANER 3, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming
The address for that is http://members.boardhost.com/twforum