Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU
But nine times out of ten I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood. It has come to our attention that a certain Miss Katie Melua is attempting to stage the gig at the lowest altitude ever by performing 100 metres underneath the sea on a sub-aqua platform of a North Sea oil rig. We would like to apologise to our readers that she unfortunately has a return ticket. Apparently in space, nobody can hear you scream. We would like to officially launch the "Send that cunt James Blunt into Space for fuck's sake" campaign.
Air Traffic bounce along neatly with their combination of piano and guitar
led indie-pop. A host of up-beat songs that had obvious comparisons to the
likes of Keane and Coldplay as well as a few more obscure links to Something
Corporate and Toploader. Not only are the songs anthemic, Air Traffic also
know when to break things down to an emotional sounding piano-vocal section
and then rock it up in a feet stomping chorus. Originally from Bournemouth,
this piano-led, indie-rock quartet took their name from the air traffic control
signals that they would pick up whilst rehearsing in abandoned industrial
units next to the airport where they first formed.The 20 year olds released
their debut single through indie label 'Club Fandango' in July 06. The single
was crowned 'Hottest Record In The World' by BBC Radio 1's Zane Lowe, and
contained the tracks 'Just Abuse Me' and 'Charlotte'.
Now freshly signed to EMI records, the band will release 'Never Even Told Me Her Name' as the next single, being released on October 30th.
Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.
CLASS ACTS, THE FIRST THURSDAY IN EVERY MONTH, ONLY FIVE POUNDS,
NEW LUXURIOUS TOILET FACILITIES.
For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.
"Quite simply, the finest alternative comedian there is" Ian Cognito
"Consistently funny…." The Independent
"Wonderful, upfront, hilarious…'" Evening Standard
actor, writer and presenter, COLE PARKER exploded onto the
comedy circuit in 2000, to great critical acclaim; In the same year he was
nominated the UK's best new comedian. Cole now regularly plays the premier
comedy clubs throughout the UK & overseas and has earned an enviable reputation
as a highly original, crowd-pleasing comic and compere. His intelligent -
occasionally dark material, is delivered with generous spoonfuls of charm
and he can relate to any audience.
On television Cole recently presented 15 episodes of 'The Ultimate Gambler' for Bravo Television, which sold to 24 countries worldwide. He can currently be seen on Sky Sports as the face of the 2006 International Cricket On radio Cole has co-presented a music show with Craig Charles for BBC Radio 6 and appeared as a guest on XFM, BBC London, LBC and BBC Kent. He also performed in BBC 7's 'Spanking New'.
A prolific writer: Cole has four television shows currently in development. He has also written for several top name comedians & played alongside: Harry Hill, Jonny Vegas, Ardal O'Hanlon, Ed Byrne, Sean Lock, Jimmy Carr, Jeff Green, Craig Charles, Al Murray & Ross Noble, recently appearing on The Friday Night Project (CH4) alongside Justin Hawkins.
"We're not political, we're not out to save the world,
if you listen to the lyrics it's just about being yourself and having fun.
We're not sad, we're not complaining that the world's treating us like crap
. . . we want to keep this upbeat." --
Chances are this show is sold out by the time you read this ...........should have booked earlier shouldn't you?
"Essentially a bunch of cheeky scallywags aiming to make you move your feet, DARTZ! discordant neo-pop has an exuberance and angularity that is mesmerising to the point of being addictive. Impossible not to like, DARTZ!' duelling vocals, dancefloor-filling harmonies and beats that shake limbs like a mammoths dose of Parkinsons have been making waves throughout the year with two low-key EPs and a recent split with post punks Stapleton on Gravity DIP and have recently put out a 7" on Xtra Mile Recordings. Bullseye!"
Stars of Aviation
Songs of my Lap
based CLEARLAKE formed in 1999 and are signed to Domino Records (home of Arctic
Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand). They have released three critically acclaimed
albums: 'Lido', 'Cedars' and 'Amber', and have toured the world in their own
right including sell-out shows in the UK and America, as well as supporting
Pulp, playing for Scott Walker at his Meltdown Festival and appearing on TV
shows including Later With Jools Holland. They continue to impress audiences
with their uniquely British take on indie guitar music and have just released
the new single 'It's Getting Light Outside'.
MR. SOLO will be better known to some as 'The Vessel', being the lead singer and guitarist from the band David Devant and His Spirit Wife. Mr. Solo is the name of his new guitar pop project and he has recently released the album 'All Will Be Revealed' on Outstanding Records, with a new
single 'Number One' out now. STARS OF AVIATION are an eight piece French inspired lo-fi indie power-pop outfit, whose instruments range from accordion, trumpet and bassoon through
traditional guitars and drums, to recorder. They are signed to Kitchen Records and recently released the single 'Marie et l'accordeon', which was described as 'a slice of escapist wonder'.
SONGS OF MY LAP is Tunbridge Wells based solo artist Alex Hancock, who has released three albums on Unlabel Records and was previously a member of several well-respected bands, including legendary underground outfit Unhome. He utilises guitar, piano and laptop electronics to beautiful effect. All in all, this going to be fantastic night with an amazing line-up of bands, raffles, quiff-wigs, accordians, and more importantly, ITS ALL FOR CHARITY, namely OXFAM www.myspace.com/oxjamkent.
The Campaign for Real Time
"Imagine if you will, Fugazi playing Prince songs with The Neptunes producing and you come close to the sound achieved on C4RT's (as they're known) debut. A melange of '80s electro funk, falsetto and all manner of bleeps and squeaks, 'Yes...' is an uplifting party album that effortlessly mixes soul, punk, funk and pop without ever appearing contrived." - Kerrang!
"Rock music you can dance to - it's a tricky one... But this is really good stuff, and when you reach the Killers-esque electropop of 'Something is Wrong' you'll begin to see where this Boston sextet are headed. These songs brandish more ants-in-your-pants excitement than anything that Brandon Flowers and co could muster." - Rocksound
jolt of post-hardcore pop action, Sucioperro make music to start riots to,
but you know, happy kinds of riots with smiles and sunshine. Take this band
to your heart, they're a little bit special."
Sucioperro play an effortlessly complex mix of math rock precision, emotive (but, please, not emo) acoustic songs and no-nonsense rousing radio anthems.
Fans of Foo Fighters, The Police and Jimmy Eat World will certainly find something to enjoy. Actually one review described Sucioperro as "bouncing somewhere between Rage Against The Machine and Crowded House".
Pronounced "sooch-ee-oh-perro", Sucioperro is Spanish for 'dirty dog' or 'dirty bitch'. In March 2006 they toured the UK with Oceansize and Pure Reason Revolution and have recently supported the likes of Biffy Clyro, Brigade, Hell Is For Heroes, Jetplane Landing, Aerogramme, Fightstar. Oh, and Deacon Blue.
One man band Jamie T plays a crazy mix of rap, reggae and punk that spins from minimalist to complex and back again. Signed to Pacemaker Records he has a quintessentially eclectic London sound that has gained him a cult following. Described as a cross between The Streets and Billy Bragg, Jamie T peddles his own brand of socio-political commentary in a catchy pop format. An all-singing, all-swaggering West London rude boy specialising in tales of booze, birds and being broke. They don't call him the one-man Arctic Monkey for nothing.
in July 1994, having sold 5000 copies at pub gigs the [spunge] boys decided
that there was enough potential to jack in the day jobs and make the band
a full time concern. Having soon gained a manager in Dave Juste of Birmingham's
Xposure Rock Cafe (a regular early haunt), [spunge] hit the road, and would
eventually notch up well over three hundred gigs in just two years. Less than
a year later in 1999, [spunge] released their debut album Pedigree Chump on
MoonSka Europe and thus set about introducing the band and their unique brand
of ska, dub, punk and comedy to a wider audience.
The first single to be taken from the album 'The Story So Far' was 'Jump On Demand'. Produced by John Cornfield (Muse, Oasis), 'Jump On Demand' hit the Top 40 despite being ignored by radio and mainstream media magazines and also topped the Kerrang! TV chart for two weeks. Following up this success was going to be difficult with next single 'Roots', but the band still managed to chart in the top 50 again with zero radio play showing that their army of fans were as loyal as ever.The band went on to play the very 1st Download Festival at Castle Donington in July 2003, alongside acts such as Audioslave, NOFX and Metallica as well as several other smaller festivals to great crowds.This proved to the band that there was still a great audience out there for them and they decided it was time to make some big changes to the way things were being dealt with.Firstly the band decided to part company with their manager Dave Juste mainly due to a difference of opinion in how the band should grow. After this split the band decided that, rather than get another manager, why not manage themselves? So that's exactly what they did.
In early 2006, Wol decided to part company with the band after over a decade due to a change in circumstances.. [spunge] are still going strong as a 4 piece and will be recording the next full length album this year.
In a change to our normal "let's fuck about with it and tart it up a
bit" we are announcing that the Stable page will HENCEFORTH be taken
DIRECTLY from the first paragraph of the biog/about me section supplied by
the acts themselves on their website or myspace page.
All the page links are provided from The Forum Stable page, so you can now check out most of the bands online and hear what they are up to etc. You might think this is lazy journalism on our part, but actually we are doing it so that the bands can see in print what they look like online. It's a fact, band members - most people only read the first 4 lines of your biog; unless, that is, they really like what they read or what they hear. Some of these descriptions come across well, some like your band is about as interesting as a trench, a lot in between. Message here is; it's worth thinking about what you are posting online for slightly longer than two minutes as this is what people can actually judge you by. All the punctuation and spelling is "as it is".
This is what the bands are saying about themselves:
Mon 2nd ELEMENTAL . GLAVION . KOBRAKAI
ELEMENTAL are a dynamic 3 piece that cross the boundaries between hard and soft rock. Formed after mates Aaron Box (guitar/vocals) and Paul Hare (Bass) contacted mutual friend Nick Westcott (drums) to toy with the idea of getting a band together. The line up has had a few changes with additional vocalists and guitarists coming and going but the backbone has stayed the same. The lads decided, if 3 was good enough for Nirvana it was good enough for them. The band play tunes with the passion and power of the Sex pistols, with the melodies and groove of the Stone Roses. GLAVION - The musical style of Glavion can perhaps best be likened to a meeting of Portishead, Daft Punk and Muse in a jazzy love triangle. Glavion pride themselves on being able to make audiences both jump and listen thoughtfully. KOBRAKAI are a post-hardcore/metal band from Borough Green in Kent. We gig in and around Kent and the Southeast and we currently have a lot of interest from different labels and promoters. We have played with a number of high profile bands such as Towers of London and No Comply, who both played Reading/Leeds 2005, and other bands like The Glitterati, The Inbreds,Useless ID and Ariel-X. We have been together for about two years now and have released several EPs
Mon 9th - FALL TO FICTION . MORNING RESCUE . RAZORBLADE:FISTFIGHTS
FALL TO FICTION - We are a Post Hardcore / Punk / Funk / Rock 5 piece from Heathfield and Herstmonceux areas in East Sussex, UK.
Sounds similar to Brand New, Hundred Reasons, The Used, and James Brown...!? Many of the riffs and lyrics have been inspired by bands and artists such as Jason Mraz, Thrice, Finch, UnderOATH etc. MORNING RESCUE - are a 4 piece band from the East Peckham and Tunbridge Wells area playing their own brand of indie rock. Influences ranging from Bloc Party to Fugazi. They have been together since February this year. RAZORBLADE:FISTFIGHTS - Somewhere between the long summer nights, and the frozen winter of late 2005, [Razorblade:Fistfights] forged a unit which over almost a year has stood out like a raised middle finger amongst the stale, and nostalgic harcore music scene, always dreaming of what had come before Ever progressing musical touches, and a taste of hardcore to come, have taught onlookers what a serious band looks like. Defined by the screamo generation, and redefined by the bands depth in ability, the music has elements which seem to polarise audiences as they more than gladly take the reigns in what looks to be the next movement in Post-harcore.
Mon 16th - AFFLICTED QUARTER . DROWNING BY NUMBERS . STRANGEDAY.
Afflicted Quarter are rock hardcore screamo four piece from Tunbridge Wells. Drowning by Numbers are" a three-piece alternative rock band from eastbourne, we formed in 2004 but have only recently turned three-piece. We are currently writing material for our first EP as a three-piece.". Meanwhile, Strangeday sound like "A whole bunch of stuff".
Mon 23rd - TEHILLAH COMMISSSION . THEREGOESEVERYTHING . UNTIL ESCAPE.
Tehillah Commission are a four-piece rock band based in Kent, South East England, looking to use an ever growing passion for music to convey a message of hope and truth. As for the name itself; Tehillah is a Hebrew word, which means 'to sing high praises', so (with artistic interpretation) Tehillah Commission means: to be sent to sing high praises. As the name suggests, the motivation behind the band comes from a desire to honour and glorify God, using music to express the different experiences faced in life, and how those experiences relate to our faith and love for Jesus. Theregoeseverything have one of those 'Macromedia Flash' websites whereby one can't cut & paste anything.Hey Ho! Until Escape are "'A band to fill the current void in music.Musically raw, powerful and melodic. "The band merge tension, heaviness and euphonic vocals with an aggressive passion. Lyrically, Until Escape are just as powerfull. The singer writes about the state of humanity, personal confinement and the need for realism within a disaffected generation".
Mon 30th - HENRY WILLARD . SIMON LEEVES . THE DAY THE MIME SPOKE
There's no actual info about Simon Leeves on his website, and The Day the Mime Spoke's myspace is under construction. As such, here's lots of info about Henry Willard., I'd make yourself a cup of coffee first though ......."18 year old Henry Willard was born in and grew up in the South-East of England, UK, where he is still located to this present day. First influenced by his mum's Dire Straits records at a very early age, it was at the age of seven when after seeing The Beatles', 'Free as a Bird' music video on VH1, that he fell in love with the Fab Four. The inspiration of Lennon & McCartney's songwriting ability prompted Henry to learn the guitar .As well as the influence of other groups & artists such as Everclear, Kevin Hearn, Brothers Creegan, C.Duck & Nate, & Sara Evans, the major discovery of the late singer/songwriter Elliott Smith has captured Henry's view on reocorded music & approach to songwriting.Taking a much softer and serious approach, the new set of recordings are arguably Henry's best work yet! A great deal of personal feelings and experiences have been put into the new songs, and to create the desired 'home feel', everything was laid down on Henry's digital multitrack at his home".
|From memory, I think it's number 6, but I could be wrong.
There's a list of rules somewhere on the web, regarding maximising your
chances of being considered a cunt in the rock world, and the general
idea is to choose a band name that isn't spelled phonetically with several
possible pronounciations. The reason behind this is twofold. Firstly,
it encourages spelling mistakes on gig listings so that the wannabe cunt
can pretend to be interesting by moaning about it. Secondly, should a
poor unfortunate fool mispronounce the wannabe cunt's band name, it triggers
derisory laughter and condescending corrections from either fans, or more
likely, the wannabe cunt himself. Endless amusement, I'm sure you'll agree.
If you didn't know, or vaguely care, it's pronounced 'Raff'. Hmm, ruff. Riffs? ROFLMAO. It's pub rock, Captain, but not as we know it. It's heavy. It's tight. It's glossy. It's vaguely nu-metal. It's funky grunge. It's a rough cross between Pearl Jam, Creed and what might have once been Lacuna Coil. It's…it's…oh fuck it, it's still pub rock no matter how you might dress it up. But is that such a bad thing? Well , no. If you saw this happening in your local, you'd stay there and watch them, no doubt about that. That's what we need really, bands in pubs that one can have no objection to, but let's not pretend it's anything other than what it is, which is essentially a bit crap. Good crap, don't get me wrong. Honest, decent, enjoyable crap, played by musicians of calibre, which makes a change from dire blues covers being played to disinterested pissheads. But crap nonetheless.
The problem with pub bands is that all too frequently, they have superfluous members whom the rest of the band put up with for want of anyone else to use, and sorry to sound sexist, but that's normally the female that they've included to divert attention from the less attractive older members. A tad unnecessary for Rathe as their gargantuan-voiced geeky frontman Kelvin Bugg (that's his real name. Honest) is a hypnotic and intense visual focus, with mad staring eyes under those specs and the mannerisms of a very disturbed loon. His co-singer Tina Frizzell on the other hand seems to be onstage during a brief break between the washing up and getting the kids' tea ready, and though she might provide passable backing harmonies, she looks and performs as if she'd rather be doing something else. Maybe if someone gave her a tambourine or something she might take her hands out of her pockets and feel more useful. But I doubt it.
Rathe are undemanding and easy to like. You might even buy their CD in a moment of pissed optimism and enjoy it too, if you're a bit old to care about much beyond the charts. But that's most of the country, right?
So thank fuck for 9 Volt. What have those naughty boys been doing with themselves? Well, Davey Richardson is no longer wearing a dress and offering five dollar blowjobs to fat tourists in Bangkok, so is back hitting things with a 'ker-tish'. Sam from Vanishing Point has made a fine replacement for bassist Greg Cheney; missing presumed incarcerated in a Chinese harem. Jamie Straker is still trying not to look confused as to which bits go 'twang' and which bits go 'widdle' and of course nothing changes with the Choadster who continues to go chugga-chugga and "waaaargh!" a lot, every inch the ragged skinny grunge god, throwing shapes like a marionette with fucked strings and roaring like someone's dropped a Landrover on his foot.
It's hardly been an encouraging year for Crowborough's finest. Whereas lesser bands would have been content to split and move on once instability sets in, 9 Volt have too much responsibility to let something like that rattle them and have carried on, kicking and screaming when necessary, determined not to let go of the magic that they know they can create.
with all struggles one finds unexpected bonuses at the end that make the
difficult journey worthwhile. Now that they're solid again, 9 Volt have
grown up and grown wiser. It's still Alice In Chains with healthy English
acne, but more geared towards hobnail-booted power and drama than bonecrushing
riffs and casual doom.9 Volt, you'll be pleased to hear, have decluttered.
Maybe they've taken the advice of a self-help book and simplified their
existence, because for the first time, we're able to experience 9 Volt
with a little more languid easy confidence. It's undeniably heavy still,
but the difference is extraordinary. The new material is sharp, dark and
powerful; experiments in mood and pace that go beyond anything they've
committed to so far. While on more familiar ground, the likes of "Halos"
have space to breathe, as well as a crystal clear sound, making 9 Volt
appear monstrously, impossibly huge. "Crash and Burn" is as
glorious as always but it's a very different beast to the one they left
behind a year ago. Slower, twistier and beautifully decadent, it has hairs
on it's balls, ready to ruck with the big lads and cause damage to whomever
is fool enough to get in its way. There might be a lack of bodies dancing,
but 9 Volt have something special now, fully charged and ready for optimum
performance, so just like the batteries, stick 'em on a moist body part
and get off on the buzz. Zap.
As I type this, Stephen Fry is currently on the telly talking about his bi-polar disorder, and it seems rather disturbingly familiar. Not just personally, but because Stable shows recently seem to be demonstrating similar levels of swinging between the extremes of mood, such as seething anger at the lack of punters watching 9 Volt, to quiet gratitude that the place is not full of people watching appallingly embarrassing tripe like Moving Pictures.
Though claiming to be something between Modest Mouse and Blur, what we actually get with Moving Pictures is a dreadfully untogether and quite vulgar garage band trying to find some identity away from thousands of Libertines-esque indie bands and failing quite dismally. "This is called 'Sleep Sleep Sleep' ", says the man with the mic, rather aptly, because it's dull dull dull and crap crap crap. Aside from the jangly twin Telecasters that seem so fashionable these days, we have a bassist who won't shut up or turn down, a drummer who can't count (and what IS he doing with that cowbell?) and a vocalist who appears to have craneflies mating in his nostrils, although perhaps if he didn't hang so awkwardly and put his fucking guitar in a normal position he might sound a little less like he was suffocating. But hey, what do I know anyway? I'm just the poor fucker listening.
Moving Pictures could, given a chance, develop enough confidence in themselves to create majestic sweeping soundscapes in the way that, say, CORD do, and at times, they even sound as if a real song might eventually emerge from within the faux-drama and kitchen-sink daydreams. But such moments are short lived and disappointing, as they die just when they begin to get interesting or tolerable. For instance, a ditty called "Frank", ,apparently about a guy they were at school with, shows eccentric promise with a rather kitsch xylophone intro, but deteriorates into painfully lame and unimaginative scuzz punk, the only purpose of which would seem to be to demonstrate that they can't have liked him very much.
File under "Music to put on a compilation for your girlfriend if you want her to dump you".
Our eager, hyperactive, willing to please, forelock-tugging, cap-doffing, can-do, nothing's-too-much trouble, highly trained, elite, ex-SAS and Girl Guides, crack squad of volunteers are waiting like coiled springs, with Sanatogen coursing through their veins, bouncing off the walls for you, and only you !
We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head. Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.
You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101
We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on,
and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
You can also email us, so do that to:
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets are also available to be purchased from the following retail outlets:
The Longplayer, 3 Grosvenor Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 539273
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776
COMEDY FORUM - Thursday 2nd Nov
THE OTHERS - Friday 3rd Nov
SECOND MONDAY - Friday 10th Nov
MISTY'S BIG ADVENTURE - Saturday 11th Nov
PROPAGANDHI - Friday 8th Dec
Lifted (with permission) from the October edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them