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BLAM September 2006

A word in your ear...

Now That's What I Call ... something ....

Hundreds of fans (that's Sid and Doris Hundreds of High Brooms - haven't we done that joke about a million times already?) were left feeling devastated, confused, discombobulated and distressed at the weekend when CDs they had acquired from the Unshop turned out to contain things what they ought not to. "I was devastated" said one punter. (Can you see where this is going? Honestly, it's not easy writing these editorials every month, you should try it. I know we've used this joke hundreds of times before, but if we were actually comedians we would get a slot at The Comedy Forum. As it is, all we can do is poke fun at ourselves in a post ironic stylee and hope that endless repetition of the three highly hilarious gags we actually know might cause slight chortles of merriment in the over thirties section of our readership who would otherwise get their kicks from reading Private Eye. Anyway, on with the relentless repetition part of the gag) "I'm confused" said another. "I am something else beginning with D which is harder to spell, so I am going to pass on that opportunity and go straight for option 4 please Chris - I was distressed" said yet another made up name. "Ooo, you fucker", said our final contestant. "Can't I be the one who was distressed and you be the one that was that other thing which is a bit difficult to say? Can I phone a friend?".
Anyway, back to the bit of the editorial that is actually satire: Some punters were surprised on opening their Stable Man's Choice Final CDs to discover that the contents had been remixed to sound a lot more like Daft Punk and a lot less like Black Sabbath, with all the tracks given ironic titles such as "I can't tune my guitar properly" and "We sound exactly like Slint would if they came from Cranbrook". The lucky recipients of the Fans Choice CDs, meanwhile, received albums containing tracks by Britney Spears, Michael Jackson and The Cheeky Girls renamed with titles such as "This is actually popular music" and "Yes we have a bus load of fans, but maybe we should rehearse once in a while". Many punters were left confused by the whole concept. A spokesman for local terrorartist Wanksy later confirmed that he was behind the prank, and that his intention was to highlight the downfall of western society and that capitalism was a corrupt concept, fundamentally flawed, that had developed an egocentric fundamentalism amongst its adherents that would ultimately lead down a path that would cause tensions between the Id and the Ego which the Superego was unable to process. Although how he hoped to do that by making a monkey out of 9 Volt remains unclear.
Actually, this idea of Wanksy's has legs. We should get him to replace other CDs with other contents, like he could replace The Feeling album with the greatest hits of Supertramp(leave them be - lanky fop), and the new Scissors Sisters one with the collected works of Leo Sayer - to see if anybody notices. Or he could recycle bits of the Joshua Tree into the sleeve containing the new album by Keane…………….oh, hang on. They've already done that themselves.


Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via

The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU

But nine times out of ten I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood. The five worst swearwords in the world, as voted by the Christian Fellowship of America, are cunt, fuck, wank, motherfucker and George Bush. For reasons of Christian moral decency, we have concurred with the CFoA and declined to use the words George Bush throughout the whole of this issue. There's still a lot of fucking swearing in the cunting thing though.


Comedy Forum
Thursday 7th

Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.

FOUR TOP CLASS ACTS, THE FIRST THURSDAY IN EVERY MONTH, ONLY FIVE POUNDS,
NEW LUXURIOUS TOILET FACILITIES.

For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.

ROB DEERING
Rob Deering exploded on to the comedy scene in 2000, reaching the Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award semi-finals, the finals of the BBC New Comedy Award and the final of the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year Competition, as well as winning the prestigious Amused Moose New Talent Award. Rob was also one the first acts to grace the Comedy Forum stage, way back in 2001 - 2001 brought further success with Rob hosting the legendary Comedy Zone at the Edinburgh Festival; this led to a personal request from Emo Phillips to support him for his festival run.
With his easy charm, cheesy singing voice, razor-sharp wit and clownish physicality Rob has quickly established himself as a firm favourite on the london circuit and has played at all the major comedy clubs nationwide. He slayed audiences as a headliner on The Comedy Network and has been commissioned by channel 4 to write and host the comedy series Lesser-Spotted Britain.
"Sterling stand-up from one of the circuit's rising stars. A safe place to bet your comedy dollar" - The Sunday Times
“Bruisingly Hilarious.” Time Out
“Truly wonderful stand-up.” The Sunday Times
“Comedy’s man of the moment.” Metro

ALEX LASEROV hails from Toronto, Canada and has gigged sporadically in Toronto until he came to the UK to visit his friend in September 2001. He was blown away by the massive comedy scene here, and found himself at home amongst his English countrymen. After a couple of subsequent visits, Alex moved to London in September 2002 and has been performing regularly since. He performs vehemently in venues all across the UK, and has been seen in come of the biggest clubs in the country including…
LENNY PETERS, as well as being an in-demand compere, hasalso been a professional actor for nearly ten years, .appearing in a number of TV sit coms including LIFE AS WE KNOW IT with Richard Wilson
(BBC)& FIFTEEN STORIES HIGH with Shaun Lock (BBC).


The Makeshift Reward
Friday 8th

The reviews are already flooding in for your very own The Makeshift Rewards' debut EP The Larams Deceit, and just about everybody agrees that John, David and Mike have hit on something pretty special already in their brief recording career. Just some of the bon mots flying their way:
"With a twist of retro electronic chic, they mix avant-garde electro-indie rock, fused with searing vocals and 80s-influenced bass-lines. Their music challenges, but never loses sight of current trends"
"The Makeshift Reward have skilfully crafted six memorably catchy songs on their E.P. The Alarms Deceit. Their style fluctuates between 80s disco beats in Colour Brilliance and Outerlude and the shouty, screechy vocals set against a backdrop of twanging chords and trembling guitars in Heads Up, Control. This makes for a hybrid sound that is carefully controlled and yet slightly unhinged - always a successful concoction as demonstrated by The Rapture in earlier days. The Makeshift Rewards punchy style will attract brooding indies and neon clad electro kids alike, think The Go! Team, You Say Party! We Say Die and any other bands with an exclamation mark in their name crossed with original indie bands with interesting vocal layers such as The Futureheads and Bloc Party... Ace, let hope we shall be hearing more from you boys."
"They have youth and originality firmly on their side, and it's almost inevitable that they'll be a sterling live proposition"
"The Makeshift Reward is a bag of tricks just waiting to explode in your unsuspecting little faces. A combination of new wave, post rock, talent and electro, TMR could give Joy Division a run for their money. Back in the day yet floating off into the future, the sound of British youth never looked so good!"
So, there you go. Not too sure that anybody could give Joy Division a run for their money, but who are we to stand in the way of a little hyperbole? This is the launch night for the said EP, and you could do a lot worse with your measly £5 than support one of the best new local bands we have had in the last few years. Alternatively, I hear the new Charlotte Church programme is unmissable - if you're the sort of person that likes to hang around the Kent & Sussex Accident department.


The VIEW
Saturday 9th

By the time you read this it's probably completely sold out, which serves you jolly well right for not paying more attention when we tell you things are upcoming. I recently had a very strange experience in a field in Chelmsford when I ran into an old Forum volunteer and ne'er-do-well who, in between bouts of beer quaffing and shouting at The Magic Numbers to lose some weight, informed me that "The Forum doesn't really get the big bands like they use to". This is actually a very common mantra amongst people who have fallen off the radar a bit - that in some golden era the Forum used to book Coldplay and now all we get is Arthur Spoonbender and the Bile Eating Nightmares. After thirty minutes of scouring the line up of the V2006 festival (where this exchange of opinions took place) it came to light that this person was talking out of their cocked hat, and that we had indeed booked over 50% of the bands on the line up, big or small - but mostly when nobody had ever heard of them and the gig didn't sell out. This applies to hundreds of other bands that people now point to as the "golden era days" of The Forum. The truth is somewhat different, which is that the whole industry has changed a bit since 1997, and that nowadays you have really really really never heard of a band at all…..then the following week they are number one (see Arctic Monkeys for further details). As a consequence, our record of bookings in the last year is actually fairly exceptional, just as it has always been (we may be smelly, poorly organised, dishevelled and not the sort of people you take home to your mum and announce you intend to marry, but we do actually take some interest in music and try and book bands we think are pretty good) - some people just don't know that some bands have played here cos they don't read the whole magazine. This struck me the other day when I heard the slightly disturbing news that Supertramp covers band The Feeling (there he goes again! - lanky fop) have sold half a gazillion albums. Not bad for a band that played opening act at The Forum three times to a complete lack of interest from all but the cleaner. Anyway, this is one of three shows coming up from bands that have already gone above and beyond the call of the charts but we booked just prior to that, so now everybody can feel that they are living through the golden age of The Forum once more - and please book tickets for Zebrahead and Jamie T now cos they are almost sold out as well (too late - Box Office) . So, anyway, The View. Wasted Little DJs is obviously a massive radio hit, so let's see what the fuss is about……… If you've got a ticket.


Raawwk all dayer!
Sunday 10th - doors open 3pm

Doors open at 3pm for a startling line up of full on rawwwwwkkkkkk nise racket with no less than 7 really rather splendid bands clogging up the stage like a bad smell. Featuring not only the Midas Girls and the incredibly difficult to spell Haemostatic Picnic Races, but also the alphabetically challenged Hanson Hattori and two bands whose fates are surely linked - Offering a Dream and Holding the Zero - are they selling something? Last but not least, flying in the face of accusations of nepotism, failed Avid Merrion lookylikey, Max the mad Soundguy's top band Furniture Sound (pictured above, following their incarceration due to charges of being in possession of something resembling a tune).
Anyways, not sure what is in aid of, perhaps they are raising money for poor little orphaned children, or maybe it's just because they all fancied a nice day out. One way or another it's going to be an earplugs level of noise day. Well worth popping down, unless there is an episode of Where the Heart Is you can't afford to miss.


Lorraine
Friday 15th

Lorraine are Ole Gundersen (24, vocals), Anders Winsents (24, guitar) and Paal Myran-Haaland (23, keyboards, programming). Their drummer is a little black box which does exactly what it's told. Between them the members' personal influences range from New Order, Kraftwerk and Depeche Mode to Kasabian, The Smiths and The Stone Roses, so it's no surprise that Lorraine's own music sounds like it should come with 'Your new favourite band' stamped across every CD.Melodically breathtaking with a lyrical touch that recalls the flamboyant nervousness of Neil Tennant at his most miserably optimistic, Lorraine's songs are finished off with a unique modern twist. After a brief period knocking about with friends in a Prodigy-influenced electro metal outfit, Anders and Ole set their sights elsewhere and, on their way back from a jam session in a local pizza parlour, chanced upon Paal. He was at a bus stop, drunk and shouting. It was not long before he became Lorraine's third member, his (oddly immaculate) bedroom doubling as the band's first recording studio. Their debut UK single I Feel It raced up the playlists and the UK charts in April hitting the top thirty, and resulted in support tours with the Pet Shops Boys throughout Europe, and they have been hitting the festival circuit pretty hard this summer in the run up to the release of their debut UK album. Definitely ones to watch, and obviously a band that in ten years time somebody in a field in Chelmsford will say to me "oooo, The Forum isn't what it used to be, you don't get the big bands like Lorraine any more".


The Glitterati
Saturday 16

COME ON!!! We all know the Glitterati can deliver the sort of no holds barred rock and roll show that has the bar staff reaching for the Jack Daniels. "I think we're all about making the show one that no one will ever forget" declares Paul nonchalantly. For him, life is an endless re-run of David Essex's role in classic Brit rock road movie 'That'll Be The Day'. "We're into the whole idea of rock'n'roll bands getting in a van, playing a great show, meeting girls and learning how to be the best there is.
We're not called the Glitterati for nothing, we want to cause a reaction, even if they hate us we've done something right." Having met in the time-honoured fashion via school and shared gig experiences, the band (Paul vocals: Nick guitar: Jamie bass: John guitar: Billy drums) served an apprenticeship in various bands around Leeds. Inevitably they found their gaze being drawn to the smoke. "We got to the point in Leeds where we'd just play a gig and however good it was, nothing would come from it." continues Paul. "We had to test ourselves to see if the band could really work..." Relocating to the wilds of South London, the band moved into a shared house and set about recreating the mood of The Monkees 'Head' had it been filmed on the set of 'Withnail And I'. Too broke to pay for rehearsal rooms, they found themselves rehearsing in a derelict church ("It was the greatest drum sound you've ever heard" swoons skin-batterer Billy) whilst living off their wits. Quickly attracting vast music biz interest, the band rapidly signed a publishing deal and played a host of riotous secret gigs under the name The Highly Davidson. No wonder. Songs like debut single 'Do You Love Yourself?' reference everyone from 'Aladdin Sane' era Bowie to Bolan and suggest that, in a post-Darkness universe, The Glitterati have all the credentials for a rapid rise through the ranks. They're already at the point where people write breathless mini-biogs about them. Clearly, their sleazy, gloriously rock'n'roll trail starts here
"We're called The Glitterati but we dress like tramps".


Engerica
Saturday 23

Dear everybody,
It is with a sad heart and a weird feeling in our tummies that we announce as of November this year, Engerica will be no more.
All the touring dates with Seether will go ahead as scheduled and there will be some one off headline shows announced shortly including our last ever gig which will be a special Halloween show at Chinnerys, Southend on 26th October.After this show the members of Engerica will go their seperate ways; Dave will be starting a degree and learning to play the piano, Mike will be playing solo and recording some tracks shortly and Neil will be starting a new life away from Essex. The split is entirely amicable and all members of the band still love each other very much.
We would like to thank all of the many people who have helped the band to do all that we've done and we would especially like to thank all the fans who have supported Engerica over the past six years and made being in this band a very special and brilliant time of our lives that we will always remember, we'll see you all on the tour.
Also a very special thank you to our long serving manager and friend, Warren Higgins, who put up with us through thick and thin. We wish him every luck in the future.
All our love,
Engerica x x x

So, your last chance to see them. Not to be missed.


Hardkandy
Saturday 30th

Hardkandy was formed in Brighton, and was initially Simon Little and Tim Bidwell, who in the heady atmosphere of the summer 2002, released their critically lauded debut album "How Do You Do Nothing", pulling in love on the remix tip from Aspects and The Bees (who did their first ever remix for Hardkandy!). After arguably being the highlight of the Big Chill that year with their ten piece band they scurried back into the studio where Tim took the production reigns. The end result is the splendid sophomore album "Last To Leave"; an impressive, heartfelt journey encompassing modern soul, gospel, broken folk - but above all - solid songs with great guests and great production. With the change of sound came the re-worked Hardkandy band - a fully fledged and noisy 5 piece.


the stable 6

In a change to our normal "let's fuck about with it and tart it up a bit" we are announcing that the Stable page will HENCEFORTH be taken DIRECTLY from the first paragraph of the biog/about me section supplied by the acts themselves on their website or myspace page.
All the page links are provided from The Forum Stable page, so you can now check out most of the bands online and hear what they are up to etc. You might think this is lazy journalism on our part, but actually we are doing it so that the bands can see in print what they look like online. It's a fact, band members - most people only read the first 4 lines of your biog; unless, that is, they really like what they read or what they hear. Some of these descriptions come across well, some like your band is about as interesting as a trench, a lot in between. Message here is; it's worth thinking about what you are posting online for slightly longer than two minutes as this is what people can actually judge you by. All the punctuation and spelling is "as it is". This is what the bands are saying about themselves:

Mon 4 Float The Earth Karona Natalie's Box
Float the Earth - Ok, well my name's tom and i'm in a band with my mates called "all of me", that's been put on hold whilst band member's recover from injury. So, in the mean time i've been writing some acoustic stuff and recording them at my school, with their equipment, having to produce all the songs myself, so if you're not impressed with the quality, i'm not a professional!
Karona - Originating in a barn on a marsh, Karona now covers a large area of the South East, with members scattered from Lydd and Ashford in Kent, to Robertsbridge in East Sussex, all drawn together by a lust for playing music. The wierd 5 have grown up listening to the sounds of Hendrix, Guns n Roses, Stone Temple Pilots and Ozzy Osbourne. The healthy taste in music led to the founding of the band three years ago, with Dann and RedReece in the line-up. The line-up changed several times over the years, until the long awaited arrival of Rich, Charlie, and finaly, Tom, late in 2005.
Natalie's Box - Dirty funky drum & bass, reggae beats and rappin' vocals. What more could you want? To be part of the Natalie's Box Street Team e-mail your name, address and a list of your favorite bands (including local bands) to shoot_the_sky@hotmail.co.uk. Thank you for all your support. For booking email shoot_the_sky@hotmail.co.uk Bass Foundations Album is now for sale!

Mon 11 Blacklight The Iscariots Violet Vendetta
Blacklight - n/a (no website or myspace)
The Iscariots - our comeback will be hitting you all on the beginning of September:-new E.P, new tracks, new sound, a new live prospect. make sure to check us out.WIPE THE EGO OFF YOUR FACE WITH GUANTANAMO'S BLOOD
Violet Vendetta - we are a three piece band from east sussex.Some people might know us from Heathfield community college.our band concists of Andy, Eden and tom.We formed in 2004 and are still going strong.Sadly we just lost one of our guitarists and are currently looking for a new one.To hear what we sound like we have an EP that was recorded in june 2006.it concists of four songs wich is avalable from our web site.big kisses to all the V V and cure fans and friends out there.

Mon 18 DeMode Left Hand Red The Suits
De Mode - "Their guitar work was neat and Sams thudding bass accompanied Jacks accomplished vocal performance brilliantly.
"The lyrics were clever and witty, surely written by Brand New? No? Perhaps a Taking Back Sunday or Early November b-side then?"
Left Hand Red - Left Hand Red are a Brighton-based band formed in the summer of 2004. Fusing power-pop rock with strong melodic vocal lines, they aim to conquer the world one infectious song at a time.
With Dan Scully on vocals, Darren Cook on Guitar, Barry Bloye on bass and Russell Pilfold on drums, this four-piece make a noise loud enough to send them to the top.
The Suits - Forming in April 2005, The Suits, have been working away for the past 12 months. Formed from the remnants of Sams (drummer) and Matts (guitar) previous band, we joined up with Eli (bass), who had only picked up a bass the week before. Running through a couple of classic covers, we decided that we needed a singer. We turned to our friend Christian, in a vain attempt at running through some songs fully. The result was something of epic proportions, or so we thought. For the past 12 months we have been plugging away, playing gigs that encompass friends front rooms playing to 15 people, to playing at big venues to hundreds of people, including the Forum with U.S band, The Hint. Having being bored of covers, we have written some super material, which ranges from straight up rock, to some kind of fusion of Rock/Rap/Funk/Metal.

Mon 25 9 Volt . Moving Pictures . Rathe
9 Volt - This is the official home of Southern rockers 9-volt, straight from the borders of kent and sussex. On this website you will find everything you need to know about 9-volt, and what they do. Rock never sounded so good. The News section is always brimming with 9-volt goings on, as is the Dates page. Check out the band section to find out more about the members of 9-volt: Chris Hoad - Rhythm/Lead Guitars and Vocals, Jamie Straker - Lead/Rhythm Guitars, Greg Cheney - Bass Guitars, David Richardson - Drums
Moving Pictures - 'moving pictures' are a four piece band, from South East London UK who play guitar based music recalling elements of indie bands such as Blur and Modest mouse. 'moving pictures, formed in late 2005, have expanded from their native Bromley, playing at various venues in the surrounding London area.
Rathe - RATHE was formed in autumn 2005 with all members being from the East Sussex Coast. Paul and André had been playing in a previous band, Mandalorian, for 2 years. Alex came along towards the end of that period. However, we decided to call that band a day, as it wasn't heading in the direction we wanted to move in. We parted on good terms with our singer and decided that we definately needed a male singer to give the music that bit more edge. As luck would have it, Kelvin had recently decided to quit his successful covers band, Station Road, because he wanted to write his own material. He replied to one of our adverts and came for an audition. He fitted straight in and the following week RATHE was born. Tina came along a few months later. A couple of songs were written with a female singer in mind for the lyrics. Fortunately Paul already knew Tina so we didn't have to do any auditions. Having a female and a male singer in a rock band allows us to do such a vast range of material. Kelvin's and Tina's singing capabilities compliment each other brilliantly.

 


Mr. Mills' Monthly Moan

Cud - 25 Aug 2006

Don't get unnecessarily excited, it's nothing to do with LA punkers X, just another startlingly unoriginal tag from the brazen-voiced Charlotte Brereton. More energetic tangy country-punk with a bluesy southern-rock burr this time, but like their prior incarnation of Cellar Door, Original Sinners don't provide much for the snobs to get in a tizz about, so in the absence of many others doing so this early in the evening, they might as well look as if they're enjoying themselves. Now get ready with those intense poses. Not you, arsehole, her. Now gimme anger. Click. That's good. Click. Gimme sexy. Click. Yeah c'mon, sexier. Click. That's it. Click. C'mon, sexier. Click. The lens loves you baybeh…click. Now sway. Click. Stroke that microphone like it's God's cock. Click. That's it. Click. Now toss your head back. Click. Yeah, flick those long dark locks out of your face. Click. Stop fiddling with your dress. Click. Now grimace like you're passing a 2-stone poo. Click. Gimme intense passion. Click. Now wiggle that arse. Click. No, it doesn't look fat. Click. Gimme angelic and innocent. Click. Perfect. Click. Hey, if there was film in this camera baybeh, we'd make a fortune.
What the hell, it might be formulaic and naïve-sounding, they might even lack rapport and confidence in their abilities, but they know how to look tantalisingly good while doing it and you can still dance to this well-mannered sleaze with about as much effort as it takes to drain a bottle of beer. "Billy Blue Blood" for instance bounces and howls like a coyote with it's balls on fire, and though stylistically they veer from the callous lusty intensity of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to sweet harmonious country pop not unlike the Zuton's mellower moments, they're rooted most firmly in grubby rollicking boogie that gets the feet moving and hormones raging before you realise what's happening. Is that good? Ask the lad at the front with his tongue hanging out.
Gritty ditties and pretty titties. Oh, to be an unspeakably vile teenager again.
Formerly The Gay Wizards, and thankfully miles better, De Carabas are as hard a band to dislike as they are to define. They might all be on the wrong side of thirty, but their experience provides them with an ear for driving touchy-feely pop tunes, not unlike certain early efforts from Cosmic Rough Riders, which knock spots off most of the products of pub bands inflicted on the drinking classes round these 'ere parts. Just a fun little cabaret, busying themselves with playful humour, funky rhythms, honey-sweet harmonies and the twinkling lights reflecting off their fine-voiced frontman Bruce's shiny bonce.
Though excellent songs such as the irritatingly catchy "Silver & Gold", or the slow-burning but maddeningly powerful "Throw It Out The Window" make superb use of dynamics and soulful passion, as does a faithfully exuberant cover of QOTSA's "No One Knows", De Carabas make hugely expressive music but are sadly too old to be much more than entertainers who have moved on from keeping drunks amused. Greyer, wiser, more talented and more confidently eloquent than many of their Stable peers certainly, but lacking the vitality and vigour needed to make them genuinely exciting. But still, get 'em to play your party and you'll have yourself a blast.
There are reunions, there are returns, and there are things that are simply meant to be, even if they do take a long time getting there.
Yeah, go on, chuck us the cynical accusations of sad old has-beens recovering past glories or scrambling for the filthy lucre if you have to, but us Space Cud-ettes know better than you. We know that a world without Cud is like a bar without Guinness: sure, one can consume many alternatives and have just as much of a good time, but there's something missing and it gets to a point when nothing else will do. Cud know it. We know it. You should know it too, because this isn't a reunion; this is merely one of the best and most underrated British bands of the past twenty years catching up where they left off.
Carl Puttnam steps out clumsily onto the stage to a curious mixture of rapture and awe. A dozen years on, and he barely looks a day older; still a chunky goofball with bad dress sense, resplendent in leather strides, dubiously stained baggy shirt, unruly moptop and outrageous spectacles all intact, present and correct. Yowsa! It's "Purple Love Balloon" and above all, it's THAT voice. Warbling, howling and crooning lyrics of twisted wonder in that warped muscular baritone like a mutant Tom Jones on the very finest drugs, flailing his limbs, wobbling his substantial manbreasts and sweating like a cyclist's buttocks after a twenty mile ride. Gee, it's good to hear it again. Too long, man, too goddamn long.
Cud's music is lush, rich, funky, chaotic and as loony as a chimps tea party where someone's spiked the drinks and put itching powder on the seats. "Only A Prawn In Whitby" , "Wobbly Jelly", "Hey! Wire" - and you thought it was just the likes of Panic At the Disco who went for wacky song titles. And what songs indeed, because each one's like the return of an old pal whose sole intention is to take you out and get you monumentally trashed, and the best part is that it's wonderful to be reminded of just how many of the bastards there are; all unique, all absolutely adorable and all guaranteed to lead you astray. Part squealing riffage, part blistering danceability and 100% guitar-pop perfection, swirling seductively round your pleasure centres and making those sensitive areas swell with unbridled pride.
New guitarist Felix is not just a match for Mike Dunphy, he's arguably better and even Carl's having a hard time admitting otherwise, as he fits the Cud groove as snugly as a fresh stylus on a brand new slab of vinyl . While as a unit, Cud are a wacky paradox as they sound so utterly seamless and slick, yet spazz out at perfectly-timed moments with relentless unstoppable energy as if being ripped apart by their own sheer exuberance. "Rich & Strange" picks up the pace as the front of the crowd bounce like demented lager-flinging hooligans, while the beautiful "Magic", followed by the abruptly quirky snappiness of "Hey Boots" and the delicious "Robinson Crusoe" are a triple-barrelled blast of insane stomping showmanship that leave you drooling and breathless with envy at their flamboyant and decadent genius.
Nobody writes or plays songs quite like Cud. Nobody did before and nobody will again, because mad mindless pop like "Vocally Speaking" and the sublime "Alison Springs" can only come from the most fucked-up recesses of a true English eccentric's brain and there simply aren't enough of them to go around. That's why we need Cud in this poncy half-arsed music scene we've created, perhaps now more than ever, because they're unique and utterly wonderful. Sure, we might want to embrace the future of rock 'n' roll wherever and whenever we find it, but when the past can sound and perform like this, it's tempting to tell the future to go fuck itself.

Contact us

Our eager, hyperactive, willing to please, forelock-tugging, cap-doffing, can-do, nothing's-too-much trouble, highly trained, elite, ex-SAS and Girl Guides, crack squad of volunteers are waiting like coiled springs, with Sanatogen coursing through their veins, bouncing off the walls for you, and only you !

We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.
You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101

We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on, and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
www.twforum.co.uk
You can also email us, so do that to:
twforum@globalnet.co.uk
On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets are also available to be purchased from the following retail outlets:
The Longplayer, 3 Grosvenor Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 539273
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776


++++++coming soon++++++


AIR TRAFFIC - Sunday 1st Oct
COMEDY FORUM - Thu 5th Oct
ZEBRAHEAD- Friday 6th Oct
DARTZ! - Thursday 12th Oct
MISTER SOLO - Friday 13th Oct
JAMIE T - Friday 27th Oct
MISTY'S BIG ADVENTURE - Saturday 11th Nov


Lifted (with permission) from the September edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them


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