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BLAM September 2007

A word in your ear...

Shame faced Forum Towers chief executive Ian "Lager you say? I don't think so, not without a copy of your family ancestry" Carvell delivered a faltering and stuttering statement to the press this week asking for the urgent recall of hundreds of "tunes", "songs" and solos" which he was forced to admit had been sold to the public as the real thing, but now turn out to be weapons of mass destruction with a dodgy paint job. Reading aloud from some paper in front of him like a newsreader, a plainly shaken Mr Carvell went on "Unfortunately, due to cutbacks in the global economy, macro trends in fiscal matters, isolationist tendencies, the Asian tiger economy and our need to make huge amounts of money by peddling second rate and frankly fucking dangerous music and passing it off as top pop entertainment ….hang on, not that last one……..we have been forced to farm out manufacture of our repertoire of top flight indie talent to people of no fixed ability who are prepared to work for slave wages in conditions you would find pretty unacceptable for most domestic or farmyard animals". Mr Carvell went on to explain that as a result of The Forum's decision to allow any old passing tramp to get on the stage, plug in and have a go, the venue was now forced to call for the urgent return of the following items which might prove slightly dangerous to the public:
Furniture Sound - the entire catalogue, which is infested with an arrhythmic virus which might damage your ears
Joeyfat - all songs containing lyrics referring to 16th or 17th Century brigands, or those in the key of E (which is all of them), as listening to them may cause most people to become confused and start smearing themselves with Rice Krispies
Mumm Ra - any songs written by the sitar player or with any chord progressions not stolen from Arctic Monkeys, as they would be far too interesting
Mechanical Sunrise - songs may contain rhymes your grandmother would be ashamed of like "hit and run, sucking your thumb" and "working hard, dad's credit card". Overexposure may call the listener to think they are a poet themselves and to accidentally end up working at Waterstones and passing off their unwanted opinions about Thomas Hardy on an unsuspecting public.
Forum spokesperson Max Vonsydownyourerockingtheboat went on to say "If you think I am taking part in this editorial after you have besmirched the name of my beloved beat combo then you have another think coming laddio. Mind you, I haven't been in the last two editorials so I suppose you could have me saying something? It's lonely up in that sound booth you know. Toiling away. Nobody coming up to see me. If it wasn't for these little ironic articles you run, people would probably forget I exist and lock me in or something. What was it you wanted? Oh, go on then ……..Ahem. It is obviously regrettable that innocent members of the public have been put at risk by our policy of allowing small Chinese children to write all the music in exchange for a bowl of rice and a regular beating. We are truly, deeply, honestly, very very VERY sorry about it and won't do it again. We are moving all production to North Korea, which we understand is a stable democratic country which models itself on Club Tropicana (at least, that's what it says in their brochure). We are convinced songs can be produced by the North Koreans at a remarkably cheap rate and with no danger to the public, except the one in ten chance of nuclear contamination."

Blam is owned and produced by The Forum. We are poor starving musicians and artists who don't even have a garret so there is very little point in coming after us for money just because we accused you of being a donkey basher, but if you are really intent on litigation, then you sue us via

The Forum, Fonthill, The Common, Tunbridge Wells, Kent TN4 8YU

But frankly, I wouldn't bother because our lawyers, Shyster, Rippemhoff & Felch are the fastest legal minds in Cricklewood.
We would like to apologise that the above article is actually funny, unlike the last two month's made up load of old hogwash, and that as a result you may have your expectations of next month's article unduly raised. We promise that the piece for September will follow our normal pattern of being savagely unamusing in way only normally managed by Jim Davidson. This editorial is not a repeat of any previous editorial, but still none of you will notice. Bollocks to the lot of you

Comedy Forum

Thursday 6th

Tunbridge Wells' original AND best value for money comedy club is held the first Thursday of every month.

For the past 5 years, on the first Thursday of every month, the Forum has played host tofour top acts from the stand-up comedy circuit. Acts that have gone on to become staples of Channel 4 (and Ceebeebies!) include; JIMMY CARR, ROB ROUSE, ROB DEERING, NINA CONTI, ELECTRIC (Big Cook, Little Cook) FORECAST and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE. Here's your chance to see the stars of comedy before they start presenting rubbish 'Top 100 Drain Hole Covers in Southborough' stylee programmes.
MITCH BENN is not only one of the most sought-after acts on the comedy circuit but is widely acknowledged as one of the best writer/performers of comic songs in the country. Mitch began his comedy career in Edinburgh in 1994. He moved to London in 1996 and quickly established himself as a comedy club "headliner" as well as a favourite on the university circuit.

Mitch is a regular writer and performer on "The Now Show" for BBC Radio 4 and "It's Been a Bad Week" for BBC Radio 2. Three series of his successful Radio 4 show, "Mitch Benn's Crimes Against Music" have been broadcast so far. He also presents "The Mitch Benn Music Show" on BBC Radio 7. In 1995 Mitch won the Best New Comic award at the Glastonbury Festival and has played there every year since, including an hour-long extended set in 1999 which drew a standing ovation from an audience of 1,500. After winning the "Mercury Comedian of the Year" prize in 1998 at the Leicester Comedy Festival: Mitch ventured forth to perform at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, including hour-long solo shows in 1997, 98 and 99.

In 2003 Mitch formed the band Mitch Benn & The Distractions with Kirsty Newton and Tash Baylis; their cult debut single,

Everything Sounds Like Coldplay Now, was released on September 5th 2005: the video for the single was posted online at www.everythingsoundslikecoldplaynow.com , attracting an amazing 8,000 hits in one hour. Mitch brought a reconvened Mitch Benn and the Distractions back to the Edinburgh Fringe in 2007, performing a nightly two-hour show - The Mitch Benn Music Club - at the prestigious Reid Hall concert venue (the "Cow Barn"). A new album and national tour will follow in the autumn.
Also on the four act bill tonight will be PHIL DINSDALE; combining his childhood experiences growing up in a tough North East town, this ex Steel worker provides a unique blend of cynicism, observation and good old fashioned humour. Delivery is sharp and honest with human nature, topical issues and his own tangential mind all being exposed to the same tongue-in -cheek treatment. Allow Phil to guide you into an appraisal of the blatantly obvious while comfortably poking fun at absolutely everything. Completing the line-up will be MIKE WOZNIAK, and your host for the evening will be DYLAN BRAY

The Displacements
Saturday 8th

Introducing The Displacements, a young band from Leicester with big ideas. They formed a few years ago, Andy, Nick, Schwill and Bone – mates and brothers picking up instruments and learning to play them together in the front room of their house. The Displacements honed their talents playing free gigs in local pubs and getting all of their mates rammed in. They then started touring and playing gigs all over the country travelling in the backs of vans and big red trucks.
The lads spent many nights writing songs in their hometown, inspired by the bands they loved, the girls they liked, the things they’ve seen and the nights out they’ve had. Their style has been likened to The Who, a Hamburg era Beatles, The Kinks and even Scouse Horror! Or as one reviewer put it: "Think Motown meets the Clash after a pint with circa 1966 Mick n Keef along the way"

They then started running their own club night in Leicester, each one they put on sold out and a real buzz started. After a riotous set at the Summer Sundae festival, plays on Steve Lamacq, a manager that goes by the name of Justin, lots of gigs, drinks and songs, they started to receive a lot of industry and A & R attention. Recently signed to the legendary Stiff Records, the lads have their first single 'Frontline Hearts' out on limited edition vinyl.

"... resembling the Buzzcocks with an even softer heart, yet rock like their lives might cease the moment they discover the fourth chord. Really, that's all we ask..."
James Jam - NME / April 07
the foot tapping barnstorming boogie of the tight as a gnat's arse spiked groove of the Displacements 'Lady Loss' is a video short of being heavy rotation on MTV.
Hollow Smoke Compilation - The Sunday Experience
Here's what the critics had to say about their recent Reading performance:
The Displacements seized this moment like they were top of the bill . This was an authoritive,exciting headline act in its own right,ready to take on the World. Virtually mobbed at the merchandise tent....I'll say it again - one day people will boast of seeing them in this magical early era. A hit with the ladies as always, and supported by their ever-growing fan base, The Displacements’ set really flew the standard for the night, with numbers like “State of Play” and “Lady Loss” In the current climate of the explosion of home-grown indie bands up and down the nation, they’re sure to flourish, and ones to watch.
Kevin Hewick - formely of Factory Records and Cherry Red

Sunday 9th

Having gone through more facelifts/makeovers than Graham Norton's sphincter KOBRAKAI are back - and this time IT'S METAAALLLLLLLLL! Gone are the singer and girl drummer - in are a new hungry streamlined outfit who're on the up, out on the road and heading for glory on their 'And Hell will follow' tour. (Is this really the Stable 5 band? - Ed) It looks as though things are finally happening for this well deservin' five piece post hardcore/metal outfit from East Peckham. Check out www.myspace.com/kobrakaiband for more details

Cats and Cats and Cats
Friday 14th

Musically they're a difficult band to pigeonhole, and that's exactly the way they like it. Taking elements of the quiet-loud post-rock formula and blending it with distinctive and creative vocals, catchy harmonies and an intelligence well in advance of their years, you never really know quite what to expect from the enigmatic youngsters. One thing you can be sure of is that this band has enough talent to live on for more than the nine lives of a whole bag of cats.
"It's the polar opposite of pub-rock. Stop/start half-melodies are scattered liberally throughout the album, each song sounds like a dozen, one idea starts to make sense, before seemingly at random transforming into the next in a split second." 7/10 Neu Magazine

The Alones
Saturday 15th

Straight out of Stoke-On-Trent come The Alones, 4 swaggering guitar pop scally wags. You cannot rock and roll without fantastic tunes & heart & soul an attribute they possess in abundance.
Stuart Whiston (Vocals & Guitar), Mike Lo Bosco (Drums), Rob Lester (Bass) and Tom Crompton (Guitar) are at the youthful heart of a band running into a horizon brimming with the promise of very big things. After support slots with the massively hyped, The Twang and The Enemy, the foursome have been gathering their own rapidly growing snowball of attention.
With echoes of New Order, early Echo and the Bunnymen, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and Oasis reverberating through them The Alone's sound is indie music operating outside of the tight trousered fashions of the moment. With would-be anthems like 'Silver', 'Rock n Roll Show' and 'Time is Right' which are well heeled, resplendent with soaring melodies and huge, life affirming choruses it's only a matter of time before this band take on the mainstream.

The Dykeenies
The Changes
Friday 21st

The Dykeenies are a New Wave/Indie Rock band formed in mid-2005 in Cumbernauld, Scotland. The band comprises brothers Andrew Henderson, Bass / Vocals, Alan Henderson, Lead Guitar, Steven Ramsay, Lead Guitar / Vocals, John Kerr, Drums / Vocals / Yamaha PSR-170, Brian Henderson, Lead Vocals / Synthesisers : Taking their name from the '80s-era George Lucas/Ron Howard film Willow (although the film script spells the word "daikinis").

The band played their first headline gig at the 350-capacity ABC2, a small venue in Glasgow in late 2005. The gig was a sell-out show. In November 2005, they were named as the inaugural "Artist Of The Month" in the "Your Sound" competition - a scheme run by Glasgow music venue King Tut's Wah Wah Hut along with DF Concerts to project local unsigned talent. They would go on to play a sold-out show at King Tut's, despite only ever having appeared at the venue once before. They progressed to played an even bigger venue in Glasgow when they supported Mystery Jets at Glasgow's Queen Margaret Union (one of two Student unions of Glasgow University)on May 3, 2006, despite at this point never having released a single.
Signing to King Tut's Recordings, despite having little or no material available at the time, the band were asked to play the "T Break" stage at T in the Park in 2006. Their debut single, a double a-side of "New Ideas/Will It Happen Tonight?" on King Tut's Recordings followed soon after.
Following the more mainstream success of the recent single and EP, the band were given another boost into the musical limelight with the help from Xfm Scotland: being called up to support Maxí¯mo Park at Edinburgh's Liquid Rooms as part of "Xfm Live Sessions".The Dykeenies would finally return with a new single. In April this year they released a new recording of 'New Ideas', with previously unreleased tracks 'Safe', 'Simplify' and 'Layers' featuring alongside various remixes as b-sides. Their next single, "Stitches", will be released on September 10 - with their debut album, Nothing Means Everything, one week later.

The Changes are Darren (Singer/guitar,) Dave (guitar / vocals / songwriter) Rob (bass) and Jonny (drums) & they all man the keys. In combination they make up four of Chicago's favorite sons. The quartet self-produced their forthcoming debut long player entitled Today Is Tonight which will properly introduce The Changes to the world care of Drama Club Records in the US and Kitchenware in the UK and Europe.
The Changes were the only unsigned band on 2005's Lollapalooza, and as a band's band, have played with the likes of Stephen Malkmus, Kaiser Chiefs, Ted Leo, The Futureheads, The Walkmen and more. The Changes have garnered raves and accolades in a slew of the most discriminating music magazines', critics' and blogs' pick lists and radio programs, including Billboard, Time Out Chicago, The New York Times, Brooklyn Vegan (blog), USA Today (blog), featured segments on NPR & KEXP, and even landed in a full page feature in the NME appropriately entitled "The Buzz".

Saturday 22nd

LostAlone are 3-piece rock band based in Derbyshire , consisting of: Steven Battelle - Vocals, Guitar, Mark Gibson - Drums, vocals and Tom Kitchen - Bass, Vocals - formed in 2005.
The band's style combines fast, heavy riffs with slower, melodic sections and strong vocal harmonies to create a sound that is not easily pigeon-holed but sits within the rock/emo scene. Main influences of the band have been cited as Queen, Iron Maiden, Mansun, Pink Floyd, Weezer. Whilst none of these are particularly prevalent in the bands overall sound, there are subtle nods to these bands both musically, lyrically and dynamically in the bands music.

Sonic Boom Six
Seven Day Conspiracy
Simon Leeves
Saturday 29th

"Notting Hill Carnival on a punk CD", "Ms Dynamite fronting the Clash" and "Dizzee Rascal crossed with the Mighty Mighty Bosstones" are some of the efforts used to describe Sonic Boom Six's genre-busting sounds.

SB6 mould themselves in the tradition of UK punk bands such as the Specials, the Clash and King Prawn that push the musical envelope by mixing the contemporary underground sounds of the UK with a rocking live show. Sonic Boom Six's genre-terrorism attacks the urban sounds of ragga, hip-hop, bhangra and jungle, adds a blast of dub and reggae and detonates with a heavy helping of hardcore punk rock.
Over the last three years Sonic Boom Six released three EPs, toured the UK and mainland Europe and shared the stage with such acts as Flogging Molly, Hard-Fi, The Aquabats, Mad Caddies, Suicide Machines, Leftover Crack and RX Bandits as well as recording sessions for BBC radio 1's flagship punk show the Lock-Up, being featured on BBC2's Asian Arts TV programme Desi DNA and opening the Love Music Hate Racism event on the Leftfield stage at the legendary Glastonbury festival. In August 2005 Moon Ska Europe released Sounds To Consume: Champion Edition which contains both Moon Ska EPs, the original self-released demo EP, three new electronica remixes as well as an acoustic tune from the bands Babyboom acoustic side-project.
In 2006 the long-awaited debut album The Ruff Guide to Genre-Terrorism dropped on Deck Cheese Records. Featuring the live stalwarts Piggy in the Middle and Bigger than Punk Rock as well as current Radio-1 Lock-Up favourite All-In (featuring the toasting of ex-Pilfers frontman Coolie Ranx) and a genre-terrorising heap of new tracks, the album's release was followed by UK and mainland European tours, festival appearances (including the Lock-up stage at Reading and Leeds festival) and another Radio 1 Lock-Up session.

"capable of writing frantic anthems to rival anything coming out of the US"
Kerrang! KKKK

"If there's any justice in the world 'The Ruff Guide to Genre Terrorism' should escalate Sonic Boom Six into the hearts and minds of punkers, hip hoppers, ska heads and anyone with a taste for innovation countrywide. Superb."
Big Cheese! 5/5

"a pleasant respite from the hefty majority of today's copycat releases. Nicely done."
Rock Sound 8/10

"'The Ruff Guide to Genre Terrorism' is not only the best album released so far this year, but the most important UK album since 'Civil Disobedients'."
Punktastic.com 5/5


Can we really be in the seventh incarnation of THE STABLE? Well bugger me sideways Cap'n for it is true! Last years Stable drew to close with THE FANS' CHOICE WINNERS being THE AUDACITY and THE MAN'S CHOICE winners AMANACER who both scooped two days in a recording studio with 500 free CDs of the resulting recordings.
A big 'Well done you' to both bands with their well deserved success.

This years Stable first show is on MONDAY 24th and will feature three hot new bands:
GLORYSCENE were formed in early 2006 out of the ashes of two bands, Solarflare and the Elements. Now consisting of: Adam "The Swede" McSweeney- Guitar Chris "The German" Sergeant- Bass Ollie "The Norwegian" Scott- Drums Harrison "The Boyo" Davies- Vox/ Guitar , these lads like their nicknames. Recent press has described them thus: "If MC Hammer ever started a band with Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath, recorded an album and then the Foo Fighters, very high on acid, picked up the album and started to write different stuff, our music wouldn't be far off the mark."

Formed by vocalist/guitarist Jess Wood, with Hannah Brooks on drums and Jess Russell on bass: this three piece all-girl outfit from East Sussex, although only a year into it, already have a number of gigs under their studded belts. Influences include Feeder, Green Day and Velvet Revolver. There's something in Jess's fragile vocals that puts me in mind of Dolores O'Riordan, but without the 'top o' the morning beejeezus' whimsicality. To read more tales of the girls, the boys they fancy, make-up tips and their run-ins at school with nice Miss Oatway, dishy Mr Simms and that darn meddling Cliff Richard-botherer of a caretaker , check out the girls' 'Clare of Mallory Towers' type blog on their 'other' website (nocauseforconcern.bravehost.com/bandblog.html)

VIALATE are a four-piece thrash metal band hailing from the depths of Sittingbourne. Having started around early 2006, since then, Vialate have undergone name changes, line-up changes, two enemas, an appearance on Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns, and still found time to write and add new material to their musical arsenal. Drawing influences from bands such as Megadeth, Pantera and Machine head expect heavy guitars, fast beats and aggressive melodies from the Sittingbourners.
Vialate are constantly writing new material for the follow-up to their debut Ep "Anger to Insanity" which gained very positive reactions from everyone who heard it, including Pulse Zero Promotions who said: "Taking old school thrash to a new level, with some of the best guitar riffs you will hear from such a young band. And for the boys, a female drummer that keeps the band hard hitting and good looking. If you like your thrash played with passion, then check these guys out!"

So there we have it - THREE BANDS FOR JUST FOUR QUID. Don't be content listening to substandard, middle-of-the-road, dodgy pub rock that can be found in other parts of Tunbridge Wells. Catch new talent in it's rawest purest form.

Mr. Mills' Monthly Moan

Hayze, The Laurel Collective, Paisley Grammar, Mark Morriss
11th August 2007

I like to think I stopped trying to find excuses, but I suppose I’m still on the lookout for a decent one. It’s my own fault that I don’t get on with technology; or technology doesn’t get on with me, however you wanna view it. God knows, enough people have forced us to spend time together but sadly it seems we’ll never be friends as technology makes me feel stupid. Not only is it mostly beyond my comprehension, I have the unnerving ability to fuck up the unfuckupable so that you’d be better off entrusting your gadgets to Mr Bean and the more advanced, expensive and ‘idiot proof’ the piece of kit is, the greater my chances of buggering it up permanently, so my friends realise it’s safer and less stressful to keep me ignorant of and away from technology until such time as it’s worthless. Just ask anyone who’s tried to teach me to operate or fix my phone, computer, VCR, camera, car ,or pretty much anything practical that involves the slightest dexterity, and you’ll hear them sigh, shudder, and suggest a professional to repair the damage.
So, imagine my delight tonight, to have someone from Hayze thrust what I thought must be his stash can into my mitt, but was actually my very first encounter with a promo item called a ‘memory stick’ or some such term. Well, you always remember your first record, CD or whatever, and this seemed to be one of those moments, albeit on a smaller scale, but tiny things and all that. Baggers informs that if I plug it into a computer it’ll have songs and pictures and all sorts of marvellous things about the Ipswich quartet on it. And he’s right, it does. Bloody clever the things they can do these days…
I mention this perhaps in sympathy, because I know the sting that a “What planet have you been on for the last few years, spanner?” comment can carry. I’m aware I’m selectively technophobic and don’t wish to be reminded of my ignorance, but accept that it will happen regardless; just as Hayze don’t need to be told that they’re shallow commercial rockers for whom Britrock never died, because it’s stating the obvious. But as the obvious is all one can realistically draw from the bland and derivative, Oasis and Feeder comparisons shouldn’t upset them. Much. They also know that a populist retro flavour is good for those who missed it first time round and being behind the times isn’t a crime you know. We therefore forgive Hayze for continually going out of tune and for their quaintly English, slightly sleazy, impeccably good-mannered reminders of times past. We also applaud their courageous sharing of bite-size tough-arsed anthems with a world that’s been there already, moved on and doesn’t fancy a replay. So, er, ‘yay’ or something.
Shame really, as “Superstar” among others, are songs that would have been cool, once; strong tunes that sound as if you know them already, so us crusties can feel ‘with it’ again, if so inclined, with minimal discomfort. If you’re a sucker for hummably homogenised pub rock complete with an obligatory pale skinny glam guitarist and angsty singer, then they’ll hit your tingly spots alright. If not, well pretend that you do and you might get a free memory stick to use for stuff you actually like.
As if being XFM darlings wasn’t enough, The Laurel Collective claim to have been knocked off the Australian Number 1 spot by Black Lace, and although I haven’t researched the truth of this, it sounds as if it should be true even if it isn’t. They’re that sort of a band; a loopy, skitterish hotchpotch of surprises and delights with a taste for mischief and slightly warped to boot.
It’s an insane noise on 12 bandy legs; equal parts The Go Team, Bloc Party, Misty’s Big Adventure without the brass, samba punk, rap, funk rock and soulful tribal blues, full of hand claps, chants, arrhythmic beats, swinging basslines, sensual vocals and tunes that pull hard on your dancing strings, turning you spazzy through sheer exhilaration. To maintain equilibrium, we have the dubious pleasure of dual frontmen bashing away on cowbells and both looking a bit like Shaggy: Martin Sakutu being the rapper, Bob Tollast being Scooby Doo’s mate. Diverse in style certainly, but oh my, they know how to show off with their crooning harmonies and crazy perverse rhythms, and if you can’t follow their lead by dancing with the nearest body and trying to fuck it giddy, then you probably haven’t got a soul.
Electric, eclectic, eccentric, egotistic and quite, quite exceptional. See them. Quickly.
If anyone’s giving out prizes for local recognition, you may not think it but Paisley Grammar have scored many extra brownie points compared to most of their peers round here: positive press and a Myspace that attracts strangers aside, local radio station KMFM had them at number 1 in their charts for 8 weeks and if you can bear to hang around any Topshop for an hour, you might still find them cluttering up the store-radio playlist. Modest achievements yes, but more tangible than certain local ‘successes’ I could mention, and being bloody excellent with it, well-earned.
PG are funky little spunk monkeys alright, spiralling destructively through indie to soul with whatever rocky stuff they can find filling in the gaps. Among the commercial sensibilities of the brassy “Shadows” and bouncing from gems like “Lost My Way” are weird time signatures, odd melodies, the fine voice of Beni Giles, the imposing presence of John Fenton’s impossible afro hair and their sensual, inventive, abrasive tunes coming alive in a frenzy of multispeed mash-up devilment and sassy groove with the reckless abandonment of avante garde jazz-funk just to make it awkward to categorise. Sickeningly talented bastards
It’s a low-key but welcome homecoming for The Bluetones’ Mark Morriss, AKA Fi-Lo Beddow. He might be the voice of one of Britain’s best bands, but tonight he’s just another pale unshaven face, relieved to be among those he grew up with so can hang just a little looser than usual after “Keep The Home Fires Burning”. Armed with just one guitar, no spare strings and that sadly sensual voice, the crumpled set list in his hand is just a comfort prop because he’s in a playful mood, full of quips, banter and doing what comes to mind regardless of what’s in front of him, whether that’s a delicate version of Teenage Fanclub’s “Alcoholiday”, a stripped-down “I Was A Teenage Jesus” or the many tunes on his forthcoming solo album (“Unwanted Friend” being particularly gorgeous) that he’s most excited about.
With unehearsed choices like The Pixies’ “Gouge Away”, he doesn’t try to reinvent or even busk it; merely gives it a loving caress and lets the song lead him, unsure of how it’ll pan out but going for it in an uplifting spirit of spontaneity, which to his great delight, he’s stuck with. A subsequent busted top E string might prevent him from attempting the usual Bluetones crowd-pleasers, but when he croons the lilting “Hope & Jump” then tackles “Between Clark & Hilldale” on 5 strings while fighting a huge grin, it makes you wonder whether Fi Lo Beddow might actually be his true vocation.

Paul Mills

We always like to hear from new contributors, new bands, new people, people who hate swearing, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.Because believe you me, it's a right hard slog making up all the lies, half-truths and general bollox that we lovingly/laughingly call BLAM. So If you've recently been moved to tears by the sight of a '74 Rickenbacker 4001, plugged through a Big Muff, whilst being lovingly caressed by a young gunslinger who knows his middle eights from a 'truckers gear shift' then please get in touch. Preferably with a local drugs helpline, in the meantime do not operate any heavy machinery.


You can write to us at
The Forum, Fonthill, The Common,
Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8YU
Or call the Information line on 08712 777101

We also have a website where you can find out all about what's on,
and laugh at the photos of the damp mattressed fainthearts that 'work' here. That's at
You can also email us, so do that to:

On the website you can book tickets, find out what's coming up, get a map, get a life, identify which ne'er-do-wells have trodden the boards at the ol' shitter, check out our interactive gaming section, or go on our messageboard and start arguing whether we include too many Appalachian Nose-Flute nights in our gig programming. In fact, we beseech, nay implore you to do any of the above which would make a change from downloading hardcore 'chicks with dicks' jpgs as you'd normally do.
Please note that as well as being able to reserve tickets for all Forum shows online, tickets can be purchased from
Criminal Records, 6 Goods Station Road, Tunbridge Wells 01892 511776 and are also now available on www.ticketweb.co.uk

Coming soon...

COMEDY FORUM - Thursday 4th Oct
KICKS - Friday 5th Oct
LED ZEP TOO - Saturday 6th Oct
YOUTHMOVIES - Friday 12th Oct
THE MEXICOLAS - Friday 19th Oct
THE GLITTERATI - Saturday 20th Oct
SPUNGE - Friday 2nd Novr
MC LARS - Saturday 3rd Nov
THE TWILIGHT SAD - Friday 23rd Nov

Lifted (with permission) from the September edition of BLAM! - All queries regarding libel actions should be directed to them